The Things You Don't Want to Know About Xmen
by Darth Vyper
Summary: Lynn Peterswood discovers how insane the Xmen truly are!Psycho teens,a singing professor,an obessive Storm,a fanatic Kurt,two pheromone charged men and a tired Jean.Who is going to lose their marbles next?
1. New girl

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_The things that you don't want to know about x-men………_

_Basically , the professor is completely off his rocker , Jean is caught between two pheromone charged men , Storm is obsessed about her garden , Kurt became a religious fanatic , Remy is hiding and the teens are just pure psycho . _

**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED ! THIS STORY IS COMPLETELY WHACKO AND NOT MEANT FOR SERIOUS PEOPLE ! **

**P.S. THIS STORY IS BASED ON A SCRIPT I WROTE 4 YEARS AGO , SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF IT ISN'T FUNNY ENOUGH BECAUSE I WAS A PRICK 4 YEARS AGO ( THE AUTHORESS HAS A NOSTALGIA ATTACK IN THE BACKGROUND )**

**READ AND ENJOY ! **

**P.P.S. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I'M WRITING IN CAPSLOCK ……..SO I'LL STOP NOW . **

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Chapter 1 : New Girl .

" New girl ."

"Where?"

" In front of you."

"Where?"

"The one with long brown hair ."

"Ohhh….You mean the one with the skunk hairstyle?"

SMACK!

"Behind her you moron !"

"Ouch - that hurt John!"

John snorted. " It was meant to hurt ."

"Wait - The one with horns !"

SMACK!

"Jackass ."

"No swearing !"

John rolled his eyes as Bobby rubbed the back of his head to stem the pain .

" The one with wings !" John cried exasperatedly .

"Ohhh……That one - Cool . she looks like an angel ." Bobby squinted his eyes to get a better look.

"Finally , something did penetrate that thick concussed skull of yours , didn't it?" muttered John , sarcasm dripping from every syllable .

It took 10 seconds for John's insult to compute in Bobby's walnut-sized brain.

"Hey!" protested Bobby.

"Nice comeback , sloth……" John smirked.

Bobby opened his mouth to argue but John stepped on his foot . Bobby winced .

"Shhh…They're coming ,"John said in a low voice .

"Hello guys , this is Lynn ," the girl Bobby referred to skunk head told .

"Whatever ," Bobby sounded disinterested .

Lynn's face fell slightly .

"You are an ignorant mongoloid , Bobby ," the other girl spat .

"Do I look like I care Rogue ?"

" No , but if you could show the slightest recognition for another person –"

The argument began to spiral out of control .

"I think we better get out of here , " the girl called Lynn piped up , looking straight at John .

"Good thinking," he replied.

The both of them sprinted down the corridor just before-

"SHUT UP !"

"WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP ! IT IS NOT MY FAULT YOU CAN'T HAVE SE-"

SLAP!

John and Lynn winced .

"YOU-!"

"TRY ME-!"

"HA-!"

"GOT YOU !"

"NO-!"

There was a loud tumbling noise and Rogue appeared by Lynn's side a few seconds later with a triumphant smile plastered across her face .

"I don't want to know –" muttered John before striding down the hall and disappearing out of sight .

Rogue casually brushed off a few stray ice flakes on her jeans before slipping on a pair of elbow length , black gloves ; oblivious to the fact that Lynn was looking terrified ( She knew of Rogue's powers when they were first introduced )

"So , shall we proceed with our tour ?"

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_The first chapter is short and dull but I promise the next won't be . Well what are you waiting for ?_

**REVIEW! PLEASE , I'M DESPERATE HERE ! **


	2. Alpha Male Round 1

_I'm very upset since my x-men stories always lack response . I'm beginning to think there are no homo sapiens outside there which are capable of responding , but my fics on other categories are doing great so I'll still continue writing because I love it. To those who read this , please show me some signs of life because I have a lot of hits but no reviews to help me improve , etc. _

**P.S. I ACCEPT ANONYMOUS REVIEWS !**

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Chapter 2 : Alpha male ( Round 1 )

After Rogue led Lynn all around the mansion ( which resembled a catacomb , no doubt ) and continued on rambling about dining rooms and tacos ; Lynn began to get bored .

"-and she got taco all over her tank top !" cajoled Rogue happily , unaware of Lynn's boredom.

"Rogue-"

Rogue swiveled around to come face to face with a pretty redhead which goes by the name of Jean Grey.

"Miss Grey , thank God-" began Lynn , looking as though her saviour has just arrived.

"Have you girls seen-"

"JEAN!" came a gruff voice masked with dulcetness.

"Oh no…..," Jean moaned.

Lynn peeped from behind Rogue's back and saw a tall , scruffy man with a cigar in his mouth and a gem between his palms.

"Logan , for goodness sake I said no!" started Jean , looking pale and flushed.

"But please-"

"But Scott-"

Right on cue , a tall, handsome man with ruby quartz sunglasses dashed into view with an ancient-looking necklace dangling between his fingers.

"The necklace of Cleopatra !" the man exclaimed happily.

His smile was rubbed off as soon as he spotted Logan.

"Hi bub, I beat ya to it ," Logan answered casually before Scott could open his mouth to argue.

Jean groaned and smacked her forehead.

Lynn tapped Rogue's shoulder and asked her in a low voice , " Who are they?"

"Two estranged men dragged into "get-the-best-jewel-and-you-win-Jean-over" contest ," she replied.

"Talk about too much pheromones in your system," muttered Lynn.

"Who wins ?" demanded Logan , looking at Jean .

"Logan-," began Jean tiredly.

"He's right . Who won ?" asked Scott , looking equally curious and half expectant.

Suddenly , a tall Cajun appeared out of nowhere .

"Has anyone seen Remy's socks?" asked the man , completely unaware of what is going on.

Jean was suddenly hit with a mind flash.

"You're both tied ,"she said finally.

"WHAT!" Lagan and Scott looked stunned .

"Your next task is to strip Remy naked. Quickest one to do it wins."

Now it was Remy's turn to look shocked . He began to cower at the killer lustful looks that Logan and Scott were shooting in his direction.

"Mon ami-" ( censored as Remy starts cursing in French . )

Before he knows it , Logan and Scott lunge at him , thus causing the poor Cajun to flee for his life in the opposite direction whilst bawling his head off.

"Come back here Cajun boy !"

"Back down , One-Eye . This guy is mine !"

Logan and Scott's voices fade as they chase after Remy .

Jean breathed out a sigh of relief and started humming an "innocent" tune before strolling down the corridor.

"Are you sure I didn't register myself in an asylum of some sort ?" asked Lynn looking at Rogue .

"Nah…. Stuff gets weird here , but you'll get used to it. Now about those tacos-"

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_Hopefully someone would review . It's pathetic , I know ; but how would you feel if you typed a story and no one actually appreciated it?_


	3. A Tale of Broomsticks and Rats

_Thanks a lot for the reviews. I really was beginning to give up hope on this fic but I'll continue since there are people out there who are reading._

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**Chapter 3 : A Tale of Broomsticks and Rats. **

Lynn was continuously ushered all over the mansion by Rogue. Finally , they came to a stop at a room.

"This is our room ," Rogue drawled . "We are rooming with - Kitty!"

Kitty's head appeared in the middle of the closed rosewood door.

"Better not come in - Jubes is on a mouse hunt again ," said Kitty quickly , peering nervously at Lynn and looking anxious at the same time.

Rogue moaned. " Not again……….."

"What's a mouse hunt ?" asked Lynn blankly , completely oblivious to Rogue and Kitty's discomfort.

Right on cue , a wail pierced the air ; followed by a loud thud, a squeal , another thud and a tinkle of breaking china .

"I think I shouldn't bother asking next time ," said Lynn , mortified.

Kitty fully phased through the door and analysed Lynn.

"Nice wings ," she commented as she surveyed Lynn from head to toe.

"Thanks ! I'm Lynn," Lynn stuck out her hand.

There was a loud bang and another thud followed by a wail of frustration. Kitty ignored the noise and shook Lynn's hand.

"Kitty Pryde . In other words , Shadowcat ."

"Shadowcat?"

Lynn looked confused.

"Codenames ," Rogue answered automatically . " We-"

CRASH! BANG! EEK! SQUEAL! THUD! BOING! OOF! THUMP!

All three of them clasped their hands over their ears to block out the noise.

"What in the Devil is going on?" came a new voice which belonged to a beautiful woman with caramel skin and white hair .

"Hi , Storm ! Jubes is on a mouse hunt," replied Kitty nonchalantly.

"Oh no …….." started Storm.

"Oh yes," answered Lynn and Rogue automatically.

Within a few seconds , there was complete silence . Suddenly , the door swung open with tremendous force.

"Where is it? Where is that fuzzy demon?" asked a girl with a hint of Korean descent .

Jubilee's wild , frantic eyes were scouring the carpeted hallway. A broomstick was gripped firmly in her right hand.

"Jubilee-" began Storm.

Just a second later , a tiny brown mouse with black , beady eyes darted past Storm's foot.

"Aha!" yelled Jubilee , bringing the broom down with full force on Storm's foot.

Storm shrieked and winced . " Purple potted begonias!"

"Come back here!" Jubilee thundered as she ran cross-legged down the hallway to smack the mouse.

"Poor mouse ," said Lynn reproachfully.

"Trust me , that ain't the only mouse in the mansion," said Kitty , looking slightly horrified as Jubilee knocked over an antique vase down the hall with her broom.

Storm slowly wobbled down the hallway.

"Looks like her head hurts pretty bad," remarked Lynn.

"We told her to wear combat boots when Jubilee is on a mouse hunt . She didn't want to listen," said Rogue casually before striding into the room.

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_Well, I hope that was sufficient . Please review!_


	4. Iced Cajuns

_THANKS A LOT FOR THE REVIEWS! YOU GUYS MADE ME SO HAPPY WITH YOUR COMMENTS ( SOBS )_

_Anyway , on with the story………Hope it ok and funny enough………_

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**Chapter 4 : Iced Cajuns .**

After that eventful afternoon , Lynn felt a little hungry. She snuck into the kitchen for a brief moment of solitude and to also get a bite. On her way to the kitchen though , something ……….well , - just popped up in front of her…….

"Argh!"

"Sozi to frighten you . I jazz was running away from ze Asian girl . She iz on zay mouse hunt ," replied a blue demonic looking guy with an arrowhead tail and a thick German accent.

Lynn's eyes bulged as she caught sight of a cross dangling around her neck.

"You're a Christian ?" she asked in a shocked voice.

"Ja ," said the blue guy proudly before starting to introduce himself . " I'm Kurt Wagner , but in the Munich circus I was known as the amazing-"

"NIGHTCRAWLER!"

"Zat is bad ," Kurt mumbled as he turned around and saw Jubilee heading towards him.

"Drop him!" she threatened , keeping a firm grip on the handle of her broomstick.

"Drop what?" asked Lynn , looking quizzical.

"DROP THAT FUZZY , GOOD-FOR-NOTHING , FRICKIN" , DISGUSTING , ICKY , SLIMY , REPULSIVE -"

"I get ze point ," said Kurt loudly before mumbling "blasphemy" and saying a prayer of forgiveness under his breath.

He scooped a tiny , wriggling mouse out from his pocket and held the squirming rodent by its tail.

"I couldn't let you harm zim . Ze haz a life too. God told us to treazure all ze living creatures on ze -"

"Save me the speech and drop that rodent ," hissed Jubilee.

Kurt sighed as he put the mouse gently on the marble floor. The little guy scampered instantly .

"Aiyee !" screamed Jubilee as she chased after the mouse.

"She never gives up , does she?" said Lynn , looking astonished.

"Nope," replied Kurt . " I zem selling crosses by ze way . 50 zents a piece on Fridays . You could buy zome if you are zinterested ."

Kurt suddenly looked eerily hopeful.

"Thanks……," Lynn replied , before running down the hallway and into the kitchen .

"Phew…."

The kitchen was empty. Lynn quickly rushed towards the refridgerator and opened the door to get a cool can of soda. Then she screamed - again.

"Remy !" she squealed as she saw Remy huddled in the fridge .

The right sleeve of his shirt was partially torn.

"Shh…..zzz…. R-Remy is-is trying t-to h-hide ……. f-from the b-both of those …… zzz…… p-people ……." he replied , his teeth chattering.

"Oh my God , let me help-"

Lynn's offer was cut off as fresh voices resounded from outside.

"He went into that room One-Eye ….!"

"No - It was the kitchen , fuzzy….."

SNIKT!

"Call me fuzzy again-"

"Let's just get that Cajun-"

"Who said we had an alliance-"

"Well , if you-"

Lynn hastily took out a can of soda and slammed the refridgerator door close , just as Logan and Scott popped into view.

"Hi !" she said cheerfully as she opened the can and took a seat on one of the stools.

"Have you seen that Cajun?" asked Scott a.k.a Cyclops politely.

"Nope ."

Logan snorted.

"I can smell him . Where are you keeping him?"

Lynn tried to look innocent as she sipped her soda . Realising that was not going to shake Logan off , she decided to switch tactics.

"He's already with Jean ," she rambled as that was the first thing that came to her head.

"What!"

"Um- Kurt brought him to her ,"she added silently , praying the ever charismatic Kurt would forgive her and not condemn her to the fiery depths of hell.

"Elf?" said Logan , his jaw dropping. ( He was referring to Kurt .)

"Kurt is with Jean?" asked Scott distantly , his right brow slightly raised.

Logan looked at Scott and Scott looked back at him . In unison , both of them screamed , "Kurt!" before running out of the kitchen.

Lynn let out a sigh of relief and casually strode out of the kitchen , completely forgetting about Remy.

_10 minutes later ………._

( A muffled voice from inside the fridge could be heard ……)

"um ……zzzzz…… cherie? ….R-Remy is feeling c-cold …… H-Hello? ……zzzzz…..c-cherie?... a-anybody? ……..( whimpers)…..

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_Awwww………poor Remy , I just couldn't resist sticking him into the fridge for God knows how long ………_

**WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? REVIEW!**


	5. Xavier A Singing Sensation?

_Oh man , only one review for the last chapter! But it's ok because at least there are people out there reading !_

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**Chapter 5 : Xavier - A Singing Sensation ?**

The next day , the head of the school - the honourable Professor Charles Xavier wanted to meet Lynn . Rogue Kitty accompanied her to the professor's office which was situated in the higher levels . Jubilee wanted to follow but disappeared shortly after hearing screams from Siryn's room about "rats" .

The trio arrived a minute early . Lynn was already shaking like a leaf . True , her parents had already met the professor , but only in passing .

"Don't worry , you'll be fine ," said Rogue soothingly , trying to restrain Lynn's jumpy nerves .

"The prof's nice . He'll be good ," added Kitty before looking at a painting hanging next to the office.

Kitty squinted her eyes before widening it again . Her jaw was beginning to sag.

"What is it ?" asked Rogue , noticing Kitty's peculiar behaviour .

"Is that a painting by Picasso ?" she asked distantly , ignoring Rogue's frightened expression and Lynn's quizzical looks .

"Oh crap ," muttered Rogue .

"I hate to ask you this , but what is wrong now ?" asked Lynn , dreading Rogue's answer .

"Kitty is an art maniac . The last time she was like this , we only managed to wrench her apart from Da Vinci's masterpiece ."

"Oh…………. shit ."

"The professor sold that piece though but - "

"Pretty………" Kitty trailed off , her eyes glassy and unfocused .

"Professor !" yelled Rogue , causing Lynn to jump a whole foot in the air.

Precarious music and vocal tones were issuing from the other side of the door . The music seized instantly and the door slowly opened on its own . Rogue barged in .

"Er…..Rogue - ," began Lynn.

"Professor , Kitty has totally gone nuts over that Picasso artwork you just hung up like the last time when she was so dazzled by the Da Vinci's "sunken ship with naked woman carvings" you bought last summer and I think we need to get her away from it before she starts drooling all over it !"

Rogue started gasping for air .

"Whoa…….." said Lynn .

The professor , a bald man with an extremely bald head ( he uses wax - believe it or not ) was sitting on a wheelchair and slowly looked up at Rogue .

"Do you think this song is good ?" he asked suddenly before singing Linkin Park"s "Crawling" .

Rogue looked shocked . "What ?"

"So is it good ?" he asked once more .

"I'm Lynn and I think I want to get put of here ," said Lynn suddenly , before turning to leave .

"Don't leave ! I need to audition for American Idol first !" said the professor.

Lynn swiveled around .

"American Idol - you - try sing -?" she blabbered incoherently , trying to take in the professor's words .

"Yeah ," he replied casually . " What about this song ?" he asked before holding up a script .

"I made it myself ," he exclaimed proudly before starting to sing .

"Butter mellows and sweet little jell-Os , they are all treats for my x-men fellows, if I wheel around naked on the grassy meadows , Wolverine is going to turn a pukey yellow!"

Rogue snorted . "Yeah , like who won't ?"

Lynn promptly walked out of the door and closed it .

"This place is definitely going to be death of me ," she mumbled before Xavier's voice sliced through the air again .

" Gothic Merry and little emo Barry , a couple that shouldn't marry , since Barry's feet are abnormally hairy -"

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_Well , this chapter is done , so there is only one thing left ………_

**REVIEW!**


	6. The Case of the Delinquent Hamster

_Thanks to jade598 for constantly reviewing and I got another insane chapter up , so read and enjoy !_

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**Chapter 6 : The Case of the Delinquent Hamster.**

That evening , nothing much happened . Well , of course nothing stays quiet for long at Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters since this is technically an insane fic and the author just won't relent and make it sane enough.

"Aargh!"

Lynn looked out of the window before downing some Tylenol and a glass of orange juice . She was once again seeking closure in the kitchen .

"Great , wonder what's cooking now …….." she muttered as she massaged her aching temples .

A small boy called Jones which everyone dubbed as "Blink" ran into the kitchen and screamed even louder .

"There is a mouse - like - thing in my cereal bowl !" he wailed as he spotted Lynn.

Lynn sighed . "Why don't you -"

"Heads up people ! Jubilation Lee is in the house !" came Jubilee's excited , high - pitched voice resounding from outside the kitchen .

Lynn moaned . True enough , Jubilee wheezed in a few seconds later with her all - to - faithful sidekick , the rat - smacking broomstick .

"Where's that little fur - devil ?" she asked Jones , ignoring Lynn's presence completely .

"In my bowl !" yelled Jones as he tilted his bowl and emptied the soggy flakes all over the kitchen counter .

A small ball of white fur with beady , ruby eyes appeared between the mess.

"Hey , wait a sec !" said Lynn as she scrutinized the rodent more closely . "That is not a rat , that is a -"

" - HAMSTER !" came another booming male voice .

Lynn turned around and saw a muscular teenage boy standing at the threshold with a frown across his heavily - muscled jaw .

Jubilee also turned and spotted him .

"This thing yours Piotr ?" Jubilee questioned skeptically . " Because if you try to pull off the same thing Kurt did -"

"Muffin is mine ," he cut her off.

Lynn choked on her juice and Jones started laughing whist Jubilee was trying hard not to giggle . Her eyes were teary from suppressing all that laughter .

"Muffin ?" she choked .

"Yeah , you got a problem with his name ?" he asked heatedly before scooping the hamster in his hand and whispering in a babyish tone , "Did that evil little girl scare ickle wickle muffykins ? Don't worry , you are safe now and we can finally play dress up ! I got this cute little bikini and I can't wait to see you in it !"

Upon hearing that , Muffin fainted and Piotr strolled out of the kitchen , oblivious to the fact that his pet had just suffered a massive heart attack .

Lynn blinked .

"And I thought I heard the worst when Bobby called his pet goldfish Princess Sofia ," piped up Jones .

Lynn chuckled at that particular bit of information .

"I heard that !" came Bobby's voice from somewhere outside .

"Are you eavesdropping Bobby ?" asked Lynn sheepishly .

"Why , you have a problem with that?" he asked back in reply .

_No wonder Rogue broke up with him ,_ she mused as her thoughts circled back to her juice .

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_Just read and review please! I want at least 3 reviews and that is considered shameful considering I got a lot of hits but most people seem to be too lazy to just say something!_

**REVIEW!**


	7. The Instituition has Lost its Marbles

_Thank you all for reviewing! I really appreciated it! Anyways , my friends told me that this was the most insane chapter of the lot but I'll let you decide for yourselves . For now , just sit tight and read! _

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**Chapter 7 : The Institution has Lost its Marbles .**

Today was a warm sunny Friday . Lynn decided to have a look around and explore the lower levels . She walked past the chemistry lab , where curious explosions were issuing from inside . She took a peek and saw Dr. Hank McCoy , also known as beast due to the blue fur that covered every inch of his skin . Only this time , his fur was yellow with pink hearts an purple spots .

"Um……Dr. McCoy , is everything alright ?" asked Lynn , surveying his multi-coloured fur from top to bottom .

Beast turned around and smiled , revealing sharp , jagged teeth .

"Nothing deary , I just -" he looked at his colourful fur "- had a little mix-up with my chemicals ."

"Although I must say , it would save the professor some money for the students' dye jobs ," he added , before turning back to his chemicals .

"Okay…….." Lynn quickly headed further down the corridor .

As she was walking , she spotted a group of weird mutants ( Don't ask how they got there because I have no idea myself ) - a man with a metal helmet which resembled a bucket , a blue-scaled woman with fiery red hair and hot yellow eyes , a pallid green-skinned man which crouched like a frog and a gigantic furry man which resembled Wolverine in several ways .

"Um , hello . Can I help you ?" asked Lynn cautiously .

The four of them smiled maliciously .

"Mystique , Toad , Sabretooth and I have come to take over this place ," replied bucket-head man .

"Oh - well , good luck then ," answered Lynn , as she started to walk away .

"You're not afraid ?" the blue-scaled woman ( Mystique ) asked , her mouth agape .

"Technically no . Not unless you guys are saner than the people that live here ," said Lynn .

"What do you mean ?" growled Sabretooth .

Lynn ignored his question .

"Are you by any chance related to Wolverine ?" she asked petulantly .

Sabretooth growled even louder .

"Quit the meowing already ," said Toad , looking disgusted .

Just then , Kurt came by with a large box of crosses .

"Crosses ! Crosses ! 50 zents each for ze zmall ones and 1 dollar for ze big ones !" he yelled , rattling his wooden box happily .

"What the -" began bucket-head man .

"Aiyee !" came another yell which was unmistakably Jubilee's .

"Come back here !" she yelled , chasing after Muffin ( Don't ask how the critter survived after the last chapter's trauma , I suspect Piotr did CPR or something ). Jones and Piotr were hot on her heels , each trying to get her to stop .

Suddenly , another shout came from the opposite direction and Remy staggered forwards , looking worse for wear .

"Come back here Cajun !" screamed Cyclops , busy trying to push Logan out of the way .

"I told you , he is mine One-Eye !" Logan screamed back .

Jean appeared a few seconds later , looking flushed . Storm soon came into the picture , hobbling on her crutches . Rogue followed right after Storm , screaming at Bobby who accused her of murdering his fish .

"You killed Princess Sofia !" yelled Bobby .

"I wouldn't touch that slimy thing even if it was the only thing I could !" Rogue shot back , her fists balled .

"Break it up -" said John , trying to calm the both of them .

The professor slowly rolled across the room , singing another made-up song that did not make any sense .

"All squabbles are just as cute as bubbles , poke em' and they just drown like marbles .

"Charles , have you lost it ?" asked bucket-head , looking shell-shocked .

The professor continued singing .

"Hi there Magneto ! The man who wanted screw Orlando - !"

"Oh my God ," swore Mystique , observing the madness that engulfed the group.

Hank then appeared , mixing some weird solution in a test tube .

"Calcium Hydroxide plus sulfuric acid should do the trick -" he rambled , unaware of his surroundings .

If things could not get any worse , or so Lynn thought ; it just did . Kitty popped right through the wall with the painting of Mona Lisa between her hands .

"Isn't she marvelous ?" squealed Kitty excitedly , mistaking the awestruck look on Lynn's face for a smile .

"Crosses ! Crosses ! -"

"Come back here rat !"

"I did not murder Princess Sofia -!"

"Liar -!"

"Cajun -!"

"Help mon cherie -!"

"Muffin , no -!"

SQUEAK .

SCREAM .

"Stop it -!"

"Da Vinci is kinda cute -"

"I think a bit of potassium would suffice -"

"One-Eye -!"

"Muffin !"

"Joy to the Earth , the end has come , let's all just sit around -!"

"Logan , stop ! You are hurting him !"

" Who wants crosses -?"

"Ow - Jubilee , that hurt !"

"Sorry Storm !"

"Princess Sofia -!"

"For the love of Mother Mary , so high upon so holy -!"

BANG !

"I think a drop of hydrogen should -"

"Help , me mon ami -!"

"Zay crosses are zheap ! Bezt bargain !"

"Can I buy one ?"

"No , I didn't -"

"Get your broom offmy foot !"

BOOM!

"Oops …..Too much potassium….."

"Stop hurting Muffin -!"

SOB.

"Princess Sofia -"

"I love you , Mona Lisa ….."

"COULD EVERYONE JUST SHUT THE HELL UP FOR ONE FRIC'KING MINUTE !" bawled Lynn , her anger reaching boiling point .

The kerfuffle instantly died .

"Thank you ," said the bucket-head man which the professor called Magneto .

"Let's get out of here ," suggested Toad , looking mortified .

"Good idea . We'll attack when these people have got their marbles back ," said Mystique , following suit .

All four of them left in a hurry . The first person to break the stony silence was Kurt .

"Zo does anyone want to buy ze crosses ? I'll give you zay 20 perzent discount ."

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_Well that all for this chapter , hope you enjoyed it ! Toodles and don't forget to leave a review !_


	8. Romance with a Raven

_Thanks a ton for all the reviews! I'm glad to know that there are people out there actually reading this fic and guess what ? This fic has the highest number of hits among all my other fics! _

**P.S. This chapter is about a bit of drama and romance to introduce another one of my characters , so sorry to disappoint those with the funny bone. The insaneness will resume in my next chapter , I promise!**

**Disclaimer : Oops…keep forgetting to tell you people I don't own any of the characters in X-men except for the ones in my own making….Don't worry , the moment I own the X-men , you'll definitely know….**

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**Chapter 8 : Romance with a Raven.**

Lynn took a stroll outside to cool off. The whole place was bonkers and she didn't want to be any part of it. As she was wading across the thick rose bushes in the garden , she spotted a tall blonde teen wearing a leather trench coat sketching a picture in the corner. She chose to ignore him but just as she was walking past by , he called out onto her.

"Seraphim ?" he called.

Lynn stopped and turned.

"I'm sorry , what did you say ?" she asked in return as she gazed into his the chips of ice which was his eyes.

The teen smiled.

"You look out of place. Shouldn't you be up there ?" He gestured towards the sky.

Lynn sighed. She didn't like it when people often teased her about her mutation and she clearly wasn't planning on getting intimate with anyone here. She continued on walking.

"Wait , I didn't catch your name ," he exclaimed hurriedly as he set his sketchbook down and got to his feet. He was at least six feet tall.

"It's Lynn ," Lynn replied briskly as she quickened her pace.

"That means light , right ?" he said , jogging next to her. " Your parents chose a perfect name ."

"At least you don't have a pair of wings sticking out of your back ," she blurted , close to tears.

The teen fell silent.

"You are not alone ," he replied softly , as if the roses were eavesdropping on their conversation.

The guy took off his trench coat and exposed a huge set of inky black wings perched on his back. Lynn just stared in awe. He smiled , making himself appear more radiant and handsome.

"I'm Shawn , also known as Raven ," he introduced himself with an air of pride and dignity.

Lynn couldn't help but smile. Guess she wasn't alone after all.

"So what is your codename ?" he asked curiously , studying her soft caramel coloured wings.

"Well , I- "

Suddenly , he cut yanked her arm into a nearby bush.

"Hey- !" Lynn protested.

"Shh…..Jubilee is coming ," he cut her off quietly.

"How do you know ?" she whispered , amazed.

"Premonitions ," he replied shortly , just as Jubilee came crashing through the bushes ahead.

"Where is that little critter ?" she asked madly , scouring the grass for any scampering rodents.

"Jubilee !" came the infuriated voice of Piotr Rasputin.

"Crap ," she swore loudly as she took off.

"Phew , that was a close one . I don't fancy seeing her on a mouse hunt again ," breathed Lynn , stroking her chocolate - brown hair.

Shawn smiled.

_This is going to be the beginning of a beautiful relationship _, he thought mentally as the both of them headed back inside.

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_Okay , so I added a bit of fluff to introduce my new character. The madness will resume , although it will be more catastrophic than before , so keep reading and reviewing !_

**P.S. REVIEW ! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU LOT THINK ABOUT THIS FIC , SO PLEASE SAY SOMETHING!**

**P.P.S. PLEASE DON'T THINK THAT SHAWN IS A MALE VERSION OF A MARY SUE BECAUSE HE IS NOT ! THANK YOU FOR READING!**


	9. Dominos and Bathtubs

_Wohoo! Thanks a dozen for the reviews people! I'm already gushing in tears ( sniffles )……… Anyways , new chapter up , so let the madness begin! Mwahahahahahahahaha!_

**Disclaimer : I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good , therefore I proclaim that X-men is mine ! MINE ! ( Lightning suddenly strikes the authoress and Storm waggles her finger ) Fine , I don't own it ……. Are you happy , punks?**

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**Chapter 9 : Dominos and Bathtubs .**

The next few weeks passed in a blur. Lynn was beginning to get used to all the wacky antics in the mansion , that nowadays , it bug her so much when she saw Remy taking refuge in the chimney or Piotr spewing love poems to Muffin. Raven and herself became such close friends , that now everyone in the mansion who wasn't plagued by too much insanity thought they were a couple.

She was happy even though today was a somnolent Sunday. Her eyelids were droopy but she kept alert at all times in case Jubilee appears with another broomstick to smack Muffin or Bobby coming through the door , rambling about the deceased Princess Sofia to anyone who would listen.

Lynn decided to go into the library to finish off her physics assignment. ( They were assigned to find a suitable song about momentum and inertia to be sung in their next class - it was the professor's idea of course ) Just as she thought the library would be the last place in the mansion to be plagued by insanity , she was dead wrong.

"Hi Rogue !" she said cheerfully as she spotted Rogue reading a book about "How to castrate your boyfriend in 1000 Painful Ways" .

"Rogue looked up. "Hi , Lynn !"

Lynn smiled as she took the vacant seat next to Rogue.

"Have you thought of a codename yet ?" Rogue asked suddenly.

"No ," Lynn replied quietly.

"Well , I was -" began Rogue.

"Shawn is here ," Lynn cut her off in mid-sentence. ( Lynn also possesses heightened senses , that was how she could tell Shawn was there .)

"Who - Raven ?" Rogue looked surprised.

Lynn nodded. Shawn slowly came behind her and closed her eyes.

"Guess who ," he said softly , in the most charming voice he could muster.

"Your favourite colour is black , you have a long trench coat to cover your wings and not to mention you change your underwear once a day ," Lynn replied in one breath.

Shawn scowled at the last remark and Rogue started to giggle.

"I change my underwear twice ," he retorted heatedly.

At this point , Lynn and Rogue burst out laughing. Shawn cheeks flushed crimson. Suddenly , a small squeak cut their laughter. A look of worry flitted across their faces.

"Uh oh ," said Shawn as he got a vision.

All three of them looked up and saw Muffin , dangling from the chandelier above them.

"How did it get up there ?" gasped Rogue , her eyes widening with each passing moment.

"We better get it down before Jubilee -" started Lynn.

It was too late. A shriek permeated the quiet atmosphere , announcing the presence of Jubilation Lee.

"There you are !" she chortled as she looked up. " Come back here and fight mono to mono , you little furry meatball !"

"Jubilee -" began Shawn.

"JUBILEE!" came a new , angry Russian-accented voice belonging to Piotr.

Jubilee ignored him.

"I know how to bring you down !" she said suddenly with a manic glint in her eyes.

She held her right palm up. Rogue and Raven , all too familiar with what was about to happen , both yelled , " JUBILEE , NO !"

It was too late. Fireworks escaped from Jubilee's outstretched palm and hit the chandelier , causing it to fall.

"No !" yelled Piotr , looking angst.

The chandelier hit the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces and Muffin went sailing across the room , squeaking madly. Then , Muffin landed on Rogue's hair and obviously like any sane person would do when a rodent lands on their head , she screeched.

"I'll help you Rogue !" said Jubilee , as she tried to whack Muffin off Rogue's head with her broom.

Rogue screamed louder as Muffin started to squeak hysterically. She lost her footing and crashed into a nearby bookshelf , causing it to start a chain of toppling "domino" bookshelves.

"Oh crap ," swore Lynn as books after books cascaded down the shelves and hit the floor.

After the last shelf fell , Jean and Storm barged into the library. An ashen faced Remy appeared seconds later , freezing in the process of brushing soot off his shirt as he saw the mess.

"Mon ami , a hurricane came by 'ere , non ?" he asked , his mouth lopsided.

Kurt suddenly appeared by Remy's side , bringing along a thick cloud of brimstone with him. And if things couldn't get any worse , well it just did. A large crack appeared on the ceiling , where the majestic chandelier once stood.

CRACK!

"Oh shit ," all of them swore except Kurt who muttered "blasphemy" under his breath.

The ceiling gave way. Bits of plaster and dust engulfed the room for a few minutes before settling down and everyone froze as the scene before them began to unfold.

Logan was sitting in the remnants of a porcelain bathtub , clearly angry and soapy. He wore a green tea facial mask with a slice of cucumber over his left eye and a rubber ducky on his head. As he stood up to get out of the tub , all the girls "Oooh-ed" and Piotr fainted. Kurt quickly covered Lynn and Rogue's eyes to shield them from Logan's nude form , more specifically his privates. Shawn was already covering his face with his wings. Jean looked stunned.

"That's - um - really huge , Logan ," she said sheepishly as Storm puked into a nearby mason jar.

Logan blushed , although it was barely visible under the cracked portions of his facial mask. He raced out of the library and disappeared out of sight,. A few seconds later , a few screams and shouts could be heard echoing down the corridor.

"Thank God my room is not above the library ," Lynn said loudly as the rest of them showed signs of mental trauma.

Clearly , seeing Logan's privates was the last thing on anyone's agenda for the day.

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_Ok people , I know this chapter isn't as wacko as the rest but it is still your job to review! So , my humble slaves - I mean DEAREST READERS , please leave a message after this!_

**REVIEW OR MR. FLUFFY-POOPKINS ( MY RABID BUNNY ) WILL CHOMP YOU DOWN! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**


	10. A Pervert and A Foul Smelling Toilet

_I LOVE YOU PEOPLE! THANKS FOR READING AND REVIEWING ! SO MANY HITS ! ( the authoress faints in the background )_

_P.S. Sorry for not updating for so long………As a compensation , I'll give you guys candy and brownies , so be good and review after you read ! _

**Disclaimer : Dude , if I own X-men , Logan will be running around naked and Remy would be kissing a duck…… so seriously be thankful I don't own them , at least not yet ( with an evil glint in the eye ) **

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**Chapter 10 : A Pervert and A Foul Smelling Toilet.**

The next day was just as eventful. Clearly nothing stays perfect in Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. The professor now upgraded himself by using a candlestick as a pretend microphone in front of the mirror each time he rehearsed. The last time Lynn checked , he was singing a Ricky Martin song in his pyjamas.

Anyway , this time , a normal thing had finally occurred. A simple plumbing problem. Yup - all the guys now couldn't use the toilet because the pipe was leaking or most probably Muffin was caught in it , trying vainly to escape Piotr's clutches. Logan , posing as the handyman around the mansion , rounded up all his tools to repair the pipes. He locked Cyclops in the washing machine so that he wouldn't strip Remy naked and win Jean over behind his back.

"Can one of you midgets hand me the screwdriver ?" grunted Logan , from inside the toilet.

"Yeah sure ," answered Bobby as he gave the screwdriver to Logan. ( He had completely forgotten about Princess Sofia since Kitty accidentally knocked him with a painting by Picasso - she was on the run from a bunch of hostile museum guards , and as a result , Bobby suffered from some sort of amnesia which everyone was grateful for. )

As Logan unscrewed one of the pipes , a foul stench permeated the air.

"Urgh !" Piotr crinkled his nose in distaste.

"Do you guys flush after you poo ?" asked Lynn , scrunching up her face in effort to stifle the smell.

No one answered her query. Just as Storm came through the door to complain about the "reek" , a loud , deafening bang came from inside the toilet , followed by a loud splashing noise.

"Oh my Gawd ," swore Rogue , looking horrified.

"Logan ? Are you alright ?" asked Jean with a hitch of concern in her voice.

Logan came out of the toilet , glowering and coated from head to toe in icky brown stuff.

"I opened the wrong pipe ," he proclaimed , looking irritated and furious.

Suddenly , the professor appeared out of the blue.

"Pervert ! Pervert !" he yelled , screaming his lungs out.

Kitty and Jubilee came into the scene shortly later.

"Who is the pervert ?" asked Kitty.

"Where is the civet ?" inquired Jubilee spontaneously.

"Oh no……" moaned Shawn , as soon as he caught sight of the both of them.

"I heard a pervert was here !" Kitty insisted.

"Where is that bloody civet !" yelled Jubilee , starting to sound angry.

At that precise moment , Kurt teleported into the toilet , which was getting more cramped by the moment.

"Iz Piotr a pervert ?" asked Kurt lightly , looking confused.

"I am most certainly not !"

"Has anyone seen pervert ?"

"Who is the pervert -?"

"Where the heck is that civet -!"

"What in blazes is going on -!"

"Eew - Logan , stay away !"

"Pervert !"

"What the -?"

"I am not a pervert -!"

"Liar , liar , your thong is on fire -"

"Hey -!"

"Logan !"

"You reek -"

"Got a problem with that -?"

"Who is the PERVERT?"

"Professor -"

"My parrot is called Pervert -"

"You named your parrot after a sex term -!"

"Logan , take a bath -"

"Aw…. Come on , Jean -"

"Where the freaking hell is that civet -?"

"Zere is zay pervert -"

"Where ?"

"I AM NOT A PERVERT !"

"Not you stupid , behind you -"

The squabbles ceased as everyone looked up and saw a small green parrot perched on the overhead lamp.

"PERVERT !" cried the professor happily.

The parrot squawked loudly and swooped down to settle on Xavier's shoulder. He beamed whilst everyone else just looked petrified. He stroked the parrot's head fondly before looking back at all of them.

"What are you covered in , Logan ?" he asked absent-mindedly , as if nothing has happened.

Logan just grunted and the professor had a mind flash.

"I just thought of a song. Thanks a lot Logan !" he exclaimed brightly , shattering the awestruck silence.

And what was worse , he began to sing.

"What's that horrible smell , because it stinks like hell , like sewage in the well , my poor head is about to swell -"

"Oh boy , here we go again -" said Storm.

Lynn just smacked her forehead and groaned.

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_Ok folks , you know the drill , press that tiny blue button and start to review!_


	11. Pyro's Alarm Clock

_Okay peeps , this a special chapter dedicated to all Pyro fans out there ( Although this discreetly means major Bobby and a little John bashing - The authoress cowers behind her neighbour's St. Bernard , who just growls and gulps her down because apparently he didn't understand what she was just rambling about ) Anyway , you'll have to read to understand what the hell I just said………_

**Disclaimer : ( waking up from the bed and discovers Pyro sleeping on the other side ) Whoa…. I don't own X-men , but I guess I do own Pyro…. ( mysterious rock falls from the sky and everything disappears ) Ow…. Oh man ! Please don't tell me I'm hallucinating again….. I really need to lay off the sugar doughnuts at night ……. **

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**Chapter 11 : Pyro's Alarm Clock.**

The next day , Lynn attended a phone call from her mom. She was busy filling Mrs. Peterswood on all the current ruckus , that she completely forgot she was not in a " peaceful-and-quiet-zone-to-talk-to-your-mom " area. Soon , a tiny beeping noise permeated the air , causing Lynn to flinch. She slammed down the phone after saying a quick goodbye to her mother and decided to track down the source of the noise.

Beep ! Beep ! BEEP !

"Shut up already !" Lynn yelled in frustration as she barged into Pyro's bedroom and saw a tiny , red alarm clock perched precariously on the dresser.

"Irritating piece of shit ," she mumbled as she tried to shut it off.

Unfortunately , there wasn't a switch in sight.

"Damn !" she swore loudly as she flung the alarm clock out of the window.

_Meanwhile , in the gardens outside right outside Pyro's window…..._

"Bobby Drake , if you come one step closer , I'm gonna fry your skinny little ass on Scott's Barbie's barbeque set !" screamed Rogue , balling her fists.

"Wait , Scott has a Barbie collection -?"

THUNK !

A tiny red object pelted out of Pyro's window and hit Bobby's forehead.

"Bobby !" screamed Rogue again , this time in a higher pitch.

She shook her ex-boyfriend like a limp rag doll. Bobby finally sat up looking dazed. Then , he opened his mouth.

"Beep , beep , beep !" he said , looking bewildered.

"Bobby ?" asked Rogue , looking flustered. " Are you alright ?"

"Beep !" he replied.

"Oh my Gawd….." said Rogue as realisation sunk in.

_Back in Pyro's bedroom……_

Anyway , Lynn realised something was wrong when she could still hear some faint beeping issuing from outside , followed by a hoarse beeping noise which sounded " un-alarm clock-ish ". She peeped through John's shattered window and saw Rogue crouching next to Bobby on the lawn.

Then , she realised something as Bobby made weird beeping noises and Rogue sat next to him , looking lost and confused.

"Uh oh ," said Lynn sheepishly as she slowly opened the window , spread her wings and flew down to the couple.

_In the garden………_

"Lynn , thank God !" screeched Rogue as she saw Lynn descend from the sky.

"I think Bobby thinks he is an alarm clock . I saw something fly -" began Rogue.

"That was my fault . I threw the John's alarm clock out of the window because it was really a big pain in the a-"

"Ohmigod ," exclaimed Rogue , cutting Lynn off in mid-curse.

"Let's get him inside. I think Jean will know what to do ," suggested Lynn.

Together , Lynn and Rogue hauled Bobby to the medical wing ( He refused to walk simply because alarm clocks can't walk ) and dumped him next to the bed , awaiting Jean's arrival.

Jean looked shocked as she strolled into her safe haven , only to find two sweaty-faced teens with another crouched in the corner , looking at her avidly before making crude beeping noises.

"What happened ?" Jean asked , baffled.

Suddenly , Cyclops came through the door , drenched in foam from head to toe ( he had just got out of the washing machine ) and handed a tiny red object to Jean while flashing a cocky grin.

"I found it on the lawn . It makes cute beeping noises ," he proclaimed happily like a toddler with a lollipop.

"Scott , not now-"

"Wait ! That's John's alarm clock !" squealed Lynn excitedly as she tried to make a grab for it.

"No , it's Jean's !" Scott persisted as he held the alarm clock out of Lynn's reach.

"I'll get it ," volunteered Rogue as she scrambled towards the tug-of-war.

"Stop it !" yelled Jean , trying to maintain order.

Unfortunately , no one was heeding her words.

What was worse , Rogue tripped over Lynn's leg and tumbled over her , whilst Lynn tried to grab Cyclops's slippery shirt to maintain her balance but failed miserably and grabbed him around the ankles instead. All three of them fell down with a crash.

And who would conveniently appear at the threshold looking for some iodine ? Yup , it was the owner of the alarm clock itself.

_( In slow motion ……… )_

( The alarm clock slid out of Scott's grasp and flew into the air )

( Bobby let out a beep of excitement )

( Jean stared open mouthed )

( Lynn and Rogue froze as the alarm clock whizzed across the room )

( Scott let out a dramatic " NOOOOOOOO!" and dramatic music was heard in the background )

( John appeared out of nowhere , eyes bulging out of his sockets as the alarm clock inched closer towards his skull )

( Bobby screamed , " BEEP !" - which I guess means watch out )

( The tiny object landed on John's skull with a sickening crack )

( John passed out )

( Everyone screamed - Well , Cyclops tried to but only soap bubbles spewed out of his mouth and Bobby just beeped )

_( Back to normal ……… )_

"Oh my gosh , John are you okay ?" asked Jean worriedly as she sprinted across the room and shook him roughly awake.

John's eyes snapped open and the first thing he said was , " BEEP !"

"Oh boy …….." said Rogue and Lynn in unison.

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_Well , I'm finished , so _**REVIEW ! **

**I WANT AT LEAST FIVE REVIEWS BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE WHEN THIS FIC HAS A LOT OF HITS BUT LITTLE REVIEWERS ! SO PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT AND FLAMES ARE NOT APRRECIATED !**


	12. An Angel , An Eagle and A Raven

_TQ a lot for all the reviews and I know alarm clocks are damn evil……… Anyways , this chapter has a twinge of humour but mostly drama in it , so sorry to disappoint you if you want tons of insanity ( which I swear will presume in the next chapter ) but I did put drama in the genre ………_

**Disclaimer : Nope ….. Do I look like I own them ?**

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**Chapter 12 : An Angel , An Eagle and A Raven.**

Rogue and Lynn have tried everything to get Bobby and John back to normal but to no avail , so they had to put up with two beeping boys and one " un-shut-able " alarm clock. ( They finally chucked it into a microwave oven )

"Beep ! Beep ! Beep !" chorused John and Bobby together , looking supremely excited despite being drug by Lynn and Rogue to the storeroom. ( Jean refused to let them stay in the infirmary , claiming that all that beeping was disrupting her work. )

Anyway as I was saying , the both of them tried everything under the moon - pushing John off the building ( twice ) , bashing Bobby's skull with Jubilee's broomstick ( Bobby just ended up with a bloody lump on his forehead but Jubes thought Muffin magically ingested her broomstick and now stands protesting in front of Piotr's bedroom for a new one although this is completely off topic ) , slamming the professor's cerebro helmet on their craniums more than trice , etc , etc , etc. Rogue got so frustrated on one occasion that she actually smacked John on the forehead with Storm's gardening kit because he whistled ( in a "beepish" way ) when she bent down to retrieve a fallen book.

After dumping both of them in the storeroom , the girls traipsed back upstairs to kick back and relax. That was until Lynn sensed someone in their room.

"Lynn , do you want to come down ? We're playing foosball and we are one player short ," said Shawn with a cocky grin plastered across his face.

"Do I have to ?" Lynn moaned , clearly not in the mood

"Come on babe , just this once ," he pleaded in a soothing tone , ruffling his feathers a little.

Rogue slowly slid away from the couple and slipped into the bathroom to grant them some privacy.

"Alright ," she complied , getting to her feet and stretching her golden wings.

Shawn smiled as he led her into a game room which was crammed with students. Piotr was already wearing a loose checked shirt with something wriggling in his pocket ( Muffin , no doubt ) and Jones was standing right next to him.

"Hi there !" Piotr greeted , flashing both of them his most masculine smile.

Shawn just rolled his eyes.

"Did you see Bobby and John ? They were supposed to meet us here ," said Jones suddenly.

Lynn flinched a little at the mention of Bobby and John but quickly regained her composure.

"They're lazing in the med lab ."

"Dirty piglets ," muttered Piotr.

"C'mon , let's start ," said Shawn eagerly.

Unfortunately , their game was disrupted by Jubilee's usual screech. Only this time , Jubilee was armed with a candlestick - the professor's , no doubt ; and chasing a five feet long ball python that was slithering across the carpet.

The room was thrown into complete chaos at the sight of the serpent. Piotr screamed and wound up in Jones arms.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Piotr bawled , clinging on to Jones scrawny figure.

"Piotr….( breathing heavily ) ….I can't breathe….." mumbled Jones before the pair collapsed with a loud THUMP! And an "oof" - which was most probably Jones body depositing air because the oversized Russian was sitting on him. **( A/N : No pun intended for any Russians or Russian lovers out there ) **

Only Shawn seemed nonplussed. He casually picked up the serpent and slung it across his neck. Lynn's jaw dropped in shock. The room was completely deserted.

"Shall we continue ?" he asked nonchalantly , oblivious to all the horrified glances that were pointed in his direction.

Lynn gulped. Piotr on the other hand , slowly got up ; looked at the squashed figure of Jones underneath him and quickly scooped up the flattened mutant and blew some air into his nostril so he would inflate and turn back to normal. Neh , just kidding…… Ok , so Jones ended up heading to the infirmary because he could see distorted , squashed pictures of Piotr's backside swimming in front of him. Piotr was shaking and just chewing his fingernails. End of story.

"We are short of one player ," Piotr finally spoke up.

"Yeah , I guess so….. Fang must have given everyone quite a scare ," muttered Shawn as he scanned the empty room.

"Fang ?" Lynn asked timidly , eyeing the serpent with wary eyes.

"Yeah , he's my pet ," Shawn explained briefly.

Lynn swallowed the ball of saliva that was forming in her mouth.

"No use playing now , we're one player short ," Shawn declared , looking around for any stragglers. **( A/N : I know foosball needs only two players but before you lot run around and yell , "PLOT HOLE !" , let me explain first. There are two boards and Piotr and Shawn were betting about the outcome but since Jones has run off , they are stuck with only three players. )**

"Mind if I join ?" came a new masculine voice from the threshold of the game room.

Shawn went rigid while Piotr and Lynn turned towards the source of the voice. A handsome man with wavy blonde hair - probably in his early twenties , was striding towards the trio. What made Lynn's heart flip was the fact that he had a gorgeous set of white wings perched on his back.

"Warren ," Piotr muttered through gritted teeth , all traces of fear on his face vanishing within seconds.

"Yes metal boy ?" he answered , before rounding on Lynn. "And who's this ?"

"My name is Lynn ," Lynn replied dreamily , caught up in his sapphire blue eyes.

"Warren Worthington the third , codename Angel ," he introduced himself , completely ignoring Shawn who was staring daggers at him. "Nice wings. Looks like an eagle's ."

Lynn smiled. Shawn quickly stepped in between them.

"Back off , _Angel_ or I'll send you to heaven a day early ," he mustered in a venomous tone.

Warren just smirked.

"Nice to meet you again , _Raven_ ," he replied softly before returning his gaze towards Lynn. "See you later , _Eagle_."

He turned tail and strolled out of the room. As soon as he disappeared out of sight , Shawn set Fang on the foosball table and growled.

"Stupid stuck-up turkey ," he mumbled angrily.

"Man , you just sounded like Logan's twin !" said Piotr.

Lynn was still staring at the door , mesmerised.

"Are you okay ?" Shawn asked her , shaking off Piotr's comment.

"He called me Eagle……." she replied , dazed . " Nice codename , isn't it ? I better go and tell Rogue and Kitty ."

Without further ado , Lynn left the room , leaving a speechless Shawn and a dumbfounded Piotr.

"Warrington's got your girl's eye. Better hurry or you'll lose her ," Piotr advised lightly.

Shawn just seethed with rage. "If he touches a single feather on her , I'll make sure he ends up as the main course during thanksgiving next month ."

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_Well , that was tons of drama and hormones in there ……… I know it is not your scoop of ice cream , but please review all the same. The insaneness will resume in the next chapter , I promise!_

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Sneak Peek for the next chapter :-**

Suddenly , Lynn got so mad due to the racket , that she grabbed Kitty's brushes and Jubilee's broomstick ( much to Kitty and Jubilee's protests but to the rat utter delights ) and whacked John and Bobby on the forehead a couple of times.

"IF YOU BEEP ONE MORE TIME , I'LL SHOVE THIS ( holding up a paintbrush ) SO HIGH UP YOUR -"

"Lynn !" chorused Kitty , Rogue and Jubilee in unison , looking shocked.

_Has Lynn finally succumbed to the madness ? Will Bobby and John end up getting cured or just wind up having pieces of wood stuffed in their anuses ? Stay tuned for the next chapter to find out………_


	13. A Normal and Not So Normal Day

_Thanks a lot for the reviews as usual………Insane chapter up LOL , so make sure you read it and review after that or a whole army of rabid bunnies will be hopping in your bedroom tonight!_

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**Chapter 13 : A Normal and A Not So Normal Day.**

Over the next few weeks , Shawn's imbued hatred towards Warren became more prominent. He actually flicked a bag of manure while Warren was strolling past by during Storm's outdoor lesson ( Storm's a plant maniac - she even stuffed petunias in the professor's pants when he accidentally wheeled over her roses while singing "Joy To The Dead Flowers" ) and got punished by Jean who caught him at it. Lynn or Eagle , was growing more and more closer to Warren , something that was quick enough for the whole mansion to notice.

Sadly , there was no solution for Bobby and John's beeps but at least they have upgraded themselves to walking on their own after Jubilee set their pants on fire. ( she thought they were sitting on Muffin ) Kitty's room was crammed with dozens of portraits , ranging from Logan puffing a cigar with Cyclops roped upside down in the background to the ever popular Mona Lisa.

Well , anyway , back to the story……………

"Lynn , could I borrow your trigonometry notes ?" asked Rogue , pushing back a strand of white hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry , it's with Warren ," Lynn answered as she took a bite out of her apple.

Rogue raised her eyebrow.

"Shawn is going to start pouting ….." she hinted.

Lynn did not catch her drift. Suddenly , a small black mouse darted into the kitchen and scampered across Rogue's foot. Rogue screeched and Jubilee wheezed in a few second later.

"Aha ! A rodent !" she exclaimed gleefully.

Lynn moaned and banged her head on the kitchen counter. She got up to exit the scene , but then Kitty popped through the wall with a few paintbrushes and a tight roll of canvas clutched in her arms.

"Wait ! Let me paint a picture of you , Jubes !" squeaked Kitty , as she dropped her brushes on the counter.

"Cannot wait ! This sucker must die !"

"Man , we better get out of here ………" muttered Rogue , looking directly at Lynn who nodded eagerly at her declaration.

Unfortunately , two solid , hulking figures were blocking their only means of sanity.

"Bobby , John , MOVE !" Rogue commanded.

They did not budge.

"BEEP !"

"DIE , you stupid -"

"Wait , that is a perfect pose -"

"I said move dammit !"

"Beep ! Beep !"

"Aw man ………………………."

THUMP!

"Die ! Die ! DIE !"

"Good ! This will turn out like Michelangelo's piece -"

"Crap !"

Suddenly , Lynn got so mad due to the racket , she grabbed Kitty's brushes and Jubilee's broomstick ( much to their protests but to the rat's utter delight ) and whacked Bobby and John on the forehead a couple of times.

"IF YOU BEEP ONE MORE TIME , I'LL SHOVE THIS ( holding up a brush ) SO HIGH UP YOUR -"

"LYNN !" said Kitty , Jubilee and Rogue in unison , shocked.

Lynn turned and glowered at them.

"Not in front of the readers ," whispered Kitty.

"So what ? It is rated T after all………." She trailed off in retaliation.

Kitty and Jubilee just shook their heads.

"She does have a point ," Rogue pointed out.

Kitty sighed. "Whatever……… This is Darth Vyper's fic after all and God forbids we all know what happens when she eats too much chocolate at night………."

The rest of them nodded.

Anyway , back to the story. Ahem………..

Surprisingly , all the hits did a fantastic job. Bobby and John blinked stupidly for a few seconds before John finally asked , "What's going on ?"

All four girls' jaws dropped.

"They're ok !" shouted Kitty in disbelief.

"My head is sore ……..." wailed Bobby , massaging his aching temples.

"Good job , Eagle !" said Rogue , patting Lynn on the back.

"Thanks ," she mumbled , looking slightly mollified.

Jubilee did a little flip before caught sight of the rat who was busy doing cartwheels in the salad bowl.

"Aiyee !"

"Oh no………………"

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_Review people !_

**Sneak Peek for the Next Chapter :-**

In the midst of laughter , Warren accidentally knocked Lynn's glass of water ; thus sending it flying into the air.

Lynn and Shawn's mouth was agape as the contents of the glass landed on the controls of the professor's wheelchair.

"Uh oh ……." muttered Warren as he saw the professor's wheelchair jerk back and forth madly.

The wheelchair then collided with Storm who ended up in the professor's lap.

"Hot mama !" squealed the professor as Ororo Munroe hung on to him for dear life.

SLAP !

"Ow….. That ought to hurt !" said Amara , standing up and looking wide-eyed.

_The ruckus is back and it will become worse in the next chapter : Music Fiesta ! So , stay tuned to sate your funny bone !_


	14. Music Fiesta!

_Thanks for the reviews as usual ! Anyways , on with the fic……………_

**Disclaimer : I don't own them even though I asked Santa for this as my Christmas gift but he didn't respond , maybe because the last time I asked him for an X-Box and he refused I sent a rabid racoon after him…….. ( As if to prove a point , Santa can be seen running in the background screaming as a racoon was clamped firmly to his backside ) **

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**Chapter 14 : Music Fiesta !**

On a particular Friday ( which happened to be Good Friday ) , the entire household was planning something rather exciting for the students. Obviously , the professor was cooking up a new song ( he was using a ladle this time as a microphone and Storm got so angry her cutlery was being subdued for unworthy purposes that she poured some grease on the professor's head ) meanwhile Jean and the others were planning something performances.

"Please tell us what is going on , please !" begged Artie and Jones with a tint of hope gleaming in their eyes as Jean hurried to the mad lab. ( Pyro burnt one of Storm's rose bushes and was hiding in the supply cabinet - he didn't want to incur Storm's wrath )

Jean gave a half smile before ruffling Jones's curly , auburn hair.

"Later okay ? If I tell you now it won't be a surprise ," she said quickly , before dashing off.

Kitty and Jubilee however were on a different plane all together. Kitty phased through the wall and actually caught sight of a strange – looking mutant with a badly patched up nose and two green antennae sticking out of his head. What was worse , she recognised the mutant - it was none other than Michael Jackson , and he was busy teaching Storm and Scott on how to do break dancing. Jubes later heard his power had something to do with detaching his body parts - hence the missing half-nose issue.

Anyway , night had fallen and the stage was set in the hall. All the teachers were gathered in the lounge , busy adding touch-ups to their make-up or rather forcing Logan into a pair of tight leather pants. ( Logan actually ran and hid with Remy in the broom closet , claiming he wouldn't wear that pants simply because it would squish his privates ) Professor Xavier was wearing a leather jacket with multi-coloured plastic chains dangling around his neck. ( He looked like a hippie doing drugs and then turned Goth ) The students were crammed into the hall , much to the protests of Jubilee who was chasing after Fang with Warren's baseball bat. Bobby and John were both seated next to Rogue **( A/N : I just chucked John here and I know he is still supposed to be hiding but neh ….) ** and busy arguing about the latest underwear colour.

"I told you , the colour of the month is _Grey _ not _Red_……" argued John.

"No , it's **Red **!" Bobby said stubbornly.

"**Grey ** , you moron !" John yelled , his temper reaching boiling point.

"I am not a moron , and for the love of God it's **Red ** !" Bobby yelled back.

Kurt , who was passing by quickly pulled out a dented cross from his pocket and began to murmur , "Father , forgive zem for zey do no know ze importanze of thy name on this day……."

Bobby and John continued to bicker.

"RED !"

"GREY !"

"RED !"

"GREY !"

"RED !"

"GR- !"

"OH , SHUT UP !" yelled Rogue out of the blue , sending John and Bobby into paroxysms of fear.

Without further ado , she took out her gloves and touched them. There were two loud thuds as their skulls made contact with the onyx floor. Rogue proudly dusted her hands and pulled her gloves back on right before the show started and the curtains were drawn.

Jean appeared first , flamboyantly dressed and started dancing. Kitty was in charge of the lights and was busy flicking on a few switches at random , causing a myriad of colourful lights to explode onstage. Storm came in next , followed by a grumpy Scott in an orange jumpsuit , busy shooting malicious glares at Kurt , who was dangling upside down from the railing and giving a thumbs up. Then , the professor wheeled onto stage and started singing.

"Oh , holy is the abysmal lavatories , all cramped up next to Hank's laboratories -"

Lynn was in charge of the stage decorations and capturing Logan ( who was being subdued in a fishing net and being hauled by Raven and Angel , who were having a pissing contest all along the way ) and at the moment , she was drinking a cool glass of water while watching the proceedings. Piotr was busy flexing his muscles to Amara , a beautiful girl with the ability to control lava. Artie and Jones were backstage , ready to drop a prop on the professor's head if he refused to leave.

Raven and Angel appeared , panting and huffing as they dragged a flailing Logan in the net.

"Get me out of here !" screamed Logan as he tried to claw the netting into shreds.

Lynn smiled as she sipped her drink.

"We asked Magneto to coat the net with adamantium. Surprisingly , he agreed ," she said mischievously as she watched him struggle.

Logan howled. Warren laughed and Shawn just glared at him. In the midst of laughter , Warren accidentally knocked Lynn's glass of water , thus sending it flying into the air.

Lynn and Shawn's mouth were agape as the contents of the glass landed on the controls of the professor's wheelchair.

"Uh oh………….." muttered Warren as he saw the professor's wheelchair jerking madly back and forth.

The wheelchair then collided with Storm who ended up in the professor's lap.

"Hot mama !" squealed the professor as Ororo Munroe hung on to him for dear life.

SLAP !

"Ow……..That ought to hurt !" said Amara , standing up and looking wide eyed.

Storm had just slapped the professor , who pinched her butt. Artie accidentally hit a button and a wooden cloud landed on Scott by mistake. Jean screamed as Scott who had his head stuck in the wooden cloud , barrelled towards her.

"Jean !" yelled Logan as he furiously bunny-hopped ( he was still tangled in the net ) towards the stage.

There was a loud crack as the railing gave way and Kurt suddenly fell down and landed on Scott who was already squishing Jean.

"Argh !"

"Sozi !"

"Get off me !"

"Jean , is that you ?"

"Yes !"

"Ouch !"

Logan has just leapt into the heap and scrambled to get to Jean , despite still being tangled.

"Get off her bub !"

"Logan , get off me !"

"Ja , you are zeavy ."

SNIKT !

"I'm not a baby !"

"He called you heavy , not baby !"

Suddenly , all four of them screeched as the professor and Storm headed towards them , also screaming.

"Oi , wait a sec !" yelled Jean , as everyone froze.

"Why did you scream when you can't see anything ?" she asked Scott , who removed the cloud from his head.

"I heard the rest of you screaming , so I thought I might as well scream too ," he replied , shrugging.

There was a stony silence.

"Works for me ," answered Storm.

"Yeah , me too ," piped up Logan. " Although I do expect a pay rise when this fic is done….. This net is damn itchy……."

Everyone nodded.

"But the authoress could have made the story more plausible -" began the professor.

"HOI ! THIS IS MY FIC AND YOU LOT ARE SUPPOSED TO DO IT MY WAY , UNDERSTOOD !"

The professor squeaked and cringed.

"AND NO COOKIES FOR YOU TONIGHT PROFESSOR !"

The professor whined.

"OH SHUT UP… YOU'VE KEPT THE READERS WAITING LONG ENOUGH …… SCOTT GET THAT CLOUD BACK ON YOUR HEAD ( Scott starts to whine but shuts up instantly as the authoress takes out a wooden mace ) AND CUT THE DEPRESSIVE LOOK WHEELS , ( glaring at the professor ) YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FRIGHTENED !"

Everyone hastily moved back to their positions.

"ACTION !"

All of them screamed and Scott started to swear. His rants were cut off as the professor's wheelchair crashed into them and both Storm and the professor went soaring into the air.

Storm landed on Piotr and Amara stalked off angrily. The professor however landed softly on a pile of Storm's organic compost outside one of the greenhouses.

Remy quickly appeared out of the blue and drew the curtains as Kitty appeared on stage before the cheering students.

"The End."

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_This is not the end folks ! It's not even the middle ! Well , go on …… Tell me what you think !_

_P.S. I'm don't think I'll be giving anymore sneak peeks since it's not interesting enough for you lot……… So , you'll just have to read to find out what's next !_

_P.P.S. If you want me to write sneak peeks for the future chapters , then tell me so I might continue………_


	15. Everybody Smooches !

_People , I have one thing to say : THANKS ! This goes to all my reviewers and my beloved readers !_

**Disclaimer : X-men is going to be mine soon ! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA !**

**Ahem , this Darth Vyper's sis here and I would like to say sorry because my sis apparently suffers from delusions when she has cereal for dinner. She doesn't own it. Period. Nada. Zilch. Please proceed to reading the fic.**

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**Chapter 15 : Everybody Smooches !**

On this eventful Monday , a lot - I mean a lot of kissing occurred.

( Rogue and Bobby )

"Bobby , stay the hell away from me ! I mean it !" yelled Rogue as Bobby inched closer.

Rogue backed away into a corner and felt her back hit the solid surface of a wall.

"Come on baby ! I just want to make it up to you for being such a prick all this while ," he pleaded , stepping closer.

"No !" Rogue screeched adamantly as she quickly threw a nearby vase at him.

"Ow !" Bobby yelped , massaging his bruised forehead as the vase hit his temple.

Suddenly , Rogue had a mind flash.

"Do you want to kiss me , badly ?" she asked with a tint of malice in her hazel eyes.

Bobby nodded his head enthusiastically.

"Fine ," she said , before jamming her lips onto his.

Bobby gulped and struggled as his life force was being drained. Just as Rogue broke their momentary kiss , Bobby crumpled to the floor , motionless and unmoving.

Rogue rubbed her hands in glee and used Bobby's ice powers to turn him into a giant ice cube. Then , she dragged him to Hank's laboratory and dumped him in there before hanging a signboard outside saying :- FREE ICE CUBE - SUPPLIES UP TO A HUNDRED AND EXTREMELY REFRESHING WHEN USED IN ORANGE JUICE. KEEP COOL UNDER ZERO DEGREE CELCIUS.

( Kitty , Piotr , Warren , Shawn , Jubilee and Lynn )

It was late evening. Jubilee actually hit the professor's remote control for his wheelchair while she was chasing after Muffin. The next thing that occurred was so fast , no one actually saw what happened. All that was left of Jubilee's mischief was a large hole in one of the glass windows shaped like a man sitting on a wheelchair.

Anyway , the girls were having a slumber party when the guys barged into their room. What was worse was that the lights went out at that precise moment. No one could see in the dark and everyone started groping in the dark to find their respective partners.

"Piotr , where are you ?" called Kitty , sounding distressed. **( A/N : I made them a couple , so try not to get confused )**

"I'm here Katya !"

"Ouch , get off my foot !"

"My feathers !"

"Ouch !"

"Aiyee !"

"Jubilee !" yelled a few voices in unison.

"Muffin !"

"Rodent !"

CRASH ! BOOM ! THUD ! SQUEAK ! SCREAM ! THUNK ! OOF ! PRUUUUT !

"Ewwwww ! Darth Vyper ! That wasn't in the script !"

**OOPS……….. WE'LL CANCEL THAT , SHALL WE ?**

A few murmurs of "Yes , please !" and "Thank God !" rang through the room.

Anyways , back to the fic………………

Shawn tripped over Jubilee's broomstick and found his lips pressed against something soft. Apparently , Piotr also found his hands on something round and squishy ( hint , hint ! ) without realising who it was. Lynn fell over someone's leg and ended up on a hard muscular chest with a six-pack. Then , the lights came back on and everyone screamed.

Piotr was actually touching Jubilee's breasts and she instantly walloped him with her broomstick. Shawn found his lips jammed on Kitty's backside. He pulled away and swore madly. Lynn apparently ended up on Warren. He was the only one beaming. Shawn obviously saw this and seized Warren by the throat.

"Get off her !" he yelled angrily at Angel.

"She is the one on top of me you butt-kisser !" hissed Warren.

The lights went out again. There was a lot of swearing , scuffles , screams , curses and crashes. Kitty finally managed to flip the switch back on. The lights came back on and there were white and black feathers everywhere.

"Boy , I could design a chicken costume for Halloween with all these feathers ," chortled Jubilee as she stopped throttling Piotr and surveyed her surroundings.

Shawn and Warren however looked like half-plucked turkeys. Piotr finally dragged the both of them out of the room.

( Jean and Scott )

Jean and Scott were busy having a romantic picnic on the roof. Suddenly , something bright flashed by.

"Jean , make a wish ! It's a shooting star !" exclaimed Scott happily like a little toddler.

Jean squinted her eyes.

"I don't think that is a shooting star -"

"Then , what is it ?"

"I don't know -"

"Is it a bird ? A UFO ? An airplane ? A-"

"Scott , I -"

"A flying car ? A parachute ? An asteroid that is about to hit us and destroy all humanity ? -"

"Scott- "

"A flying submarine ? Free Willy ? -"

"SCOTT -"

"Logan -?"

"Scott , I think that -"

Scott suddenly jammed his mouth against Jean's and they kissed passionately. The mysterious flying object whizzed past them.

"Scott ?" Jean broke away , looking worried.

"Yeah ?" Scott answered , licking his lips.

"I think that was the professor ."

"Urgh ……..crap ," he swore.

Just to confirm Jean's realisation , the professor screamed as his wheelchair flew past them and disappeared out of sight as it got swallowed up by the darkness. Jean and Scott's eyes followed the distorted image until they heard a crash of breaking glass from one of Storm's greenhouses and a loud splat.

"We are in deep shit ," said Jean , awestruck.

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**ANNOUNCEMENT : I'M HEADING OFF TO UNIVERSITY ON TUESDAY AND I'M NOT SURE IF THEY HAVE INTERNET SERVICES IN MY HOSTEL , SO I MAY NOT BE UPDATING FOR A FEW DAYS / WEEKS. ( SOB ) SO SORRY BUT I'LL KEEP TYPING AND STORING UP THE NEW CHAPTERS AND POST THEM EVERY FEW HOURS ONCE WHEN I GET TO USE THE NET.**

_Toodles people ! I'll be seeing you guys sometime later but for now , don't forget to review !__If I can wrangle it , I'll post the next chapter by tomorrow morning but if I can't :- I'm sorry !_

**Sneak Peek :-**

**Suddenly , the hatch opened and something big and brown fell into the cockpit and landed on Logan's vomit.**

"**What the - Remy !" asked Jean incredulously.**

"**Mon ami , Remy jus' was - What is dat appalling smell ?" asked Gambit , sniffing the air.**

"**Check your butt !" squealed Jubilee. **

**Remy swore as he saw icky white and yellow stuff sticking to his leather pants.**

"**No , shit ?!?!... ( Remy then starts to swear dramatically in French )**

"**You better get away from Logan , Remy…… I think he's going to blow -" warned Kitty as she saw Logan's face turn into a wicked shade of green.**

_What is happening with Logan ? Will Remy get into more "smelly" situations soon ? Will anyone asphyxiate from the lack of clean air in the next chapter ? Continue reading to find out what chaos will ensue in **THE X-JET **……… DUN DUN DUN DUN ………_


	16. The XJet

_Thanks for being patient with me ! I typed this chapter on the 16 of August but I'm not sure when I'll be posting this………_

**Disclaimer : Don't own anything here except for Shawn and Lynn………**

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**Chapter 16 : The X-Jet.**

About a week later , the team was sent to retrieve a student in Mississippi. Rogue was unhappy because of her nostalgia attack and maintained a sullen pretence as they were boarding the jet. The team consisted of Storm , Cyclops , Jean , Wolverine , Nightcrawler , Iceman , Pyro , Rogue , Shadowcat , Jubilee , Collosus , Raven , Eagle and Angel. The last six of the names mentioned were stowaways.

Needless to say , the trip in the jet was eventful.

"Turning 50 knots southeast ," stated Scott dramatically , causing Jean to roll her eyes.

"Look , somebody is firing at us !" Bobby yelled suddenly , trembling like a leaf from head to toe.

"Shut it ice cube , you're making me nervous ," countered Rogue , glaring at Bobby who just squeaked in return.

"Hey , it's not my problem you -" began Bobby.

WHAM !

"Whoa ………" Everyone winced as Rogue punched Bobby directly in the nose.

"Rogue , I think -" began Logan.

Suddenly , Jean's voice cut Logan's own.

"I'm gonna roll ! It's the only way -"

"Noooooooo ! screamed Logan and John in protest.

Alas , it was too late. Jean manoeuvred the X-Jet upside down a couple of times. As soon as she stabilised the jet , there was a loud "BAMPH !" and Kurt reappeared with a cowboy hat.

"Yee haw !" he cajoled happily.

Rogue looked at him. Then , there was a loud retching noise and a horrible splattering sound. It was -

DUN DUN DUN DUN !

"Logan ! Ohmigod !" swore Storm as she saw the puddle of puke on the floor.

The foul stench was enough to cause the six refugees to jump out of their hiding place and pinch their noses to stem the reek.

"Whaddaya guys doing here ?" Cyclops babbled incoherently.

"Well , we thought -" began Kitty.

Suddenly , the hatch opened and something big and brown fell into the cockpit and landed on Logan's vomit.

"What the - Remy ?" asked Jean incredulously.

"Mon ami , Remy was jus' - What is dat appalling smell ?" asked Gambit , sniffing the air.

"Check your butt !" squealed Jubilee.

Remy swore as icky white and yellow stuff was stuck to his leather pants.

"No shit - Remy !... ( Remy then swears really badly in French )

"You better get away from Logan , Remy . I think he's going to blow -" warned Kitty as she saw Logan's face turn into a wicked shade of green.

"No - " moaned Remy as he received a face full of vomit.

Kitty instantly phased , Rogue took cover with Jubilee behind Lynn , Shawn and Warren who raised their wings to form a protective barrier , Jean telekinetically sent the vomit towards Remy , Cyclops blasted it towards Remy , Kurt teleported , Storm sent a gust of wind to push it towards Remy , Bobby froze the vomit and threw it back and Remy and finally Pyro burnt it and also sent it towards Remy.

Remy howled as he was soaked to the skin with Logan's stomach contents. ( including a bit of mouldy cheese he got from the professor's sock - Oops ….. don't tell him I told you that ) Logan giggled but stops and burps loudly before sending one last vomit splash on Remy's shoes.

"Logan !" screamed Remy , going brick red. ( It was hard to tell the colour of his face because most of the vomit obscured his facial features )

There was a stony silence. Then -

"Yee haw ! Let's do that again !" chortled Kurt happily as he hit a button in the jet to go for another roll.

"No , don't -"

( I will cease to continue because trust me , you don't want to know. Let's just say Remy is suing and having plastic surgery , Logan is spending the rest of his days scrubbing the X-Jet clean , Kurt has decided to join the rodeo and the rest of the team are in psychiatric care for mental and emotional trauma. )

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_Thanks for reading people , so now remember to review !_

**Sneak Peek for Chapter 17 : The Baking Project.**

**Jubilee froze and so did everyone else. Jean looked wild and Logan's jaw was agape. Suddenly , there was a loud " DING !" and something as black as coal pelted out of the oven and into Logan's mouth.**

**Logan instantly tried to pull out a tiny charred alarm clock from his mouth but to no avail. Remy instantly offered a wrench but Bobby and John had already got onto the case. John burnt Logan's hair and Bobby froze his testicles.**

**Logan let loose a howl ( which sounded a wee bit "beepish" ) and the black thing flew out of his mouth and hit the wall.**

"**That is going to leave a dent ," said Scott , amused.**

_Yes my friends ! The evil alarm clock returns to continue it's short-lived reign of terror ! Be afraid ………Be very afraid………_


	17. The Baking Project

_People , thanks a lot for reviewing ! Thanks even more for waiting patiently ! Here's another chapter for you , so read and don't forget to leave a review !_

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**Chapter 17 : The Baking Project.**

Today was a special day. The class that consisted of all female youths between the ages 12 and above were assigned to a few baking projects based on each person's age and personal taste. As usual , the day was a disaster.

"Rogue , where is the sugar ?" asked Amara as she stirred the contents of her bowl clockwise several times.

"In that green jar ," replied Rogue briskly as she stuffed a tray of chocolate chip cookies in the oven.

Amara noticed that Lynn was conveniently standing next to the sugar jar , completely absorbed in her own baking project.

"Lynn , could you hand me the green jar ?" asked Amara.

Without looking up , Lynn threw a blue jar towards Amara instead. Kitty quickly phased through the jar as it soared across the room. Amara barely caught the porcelain object at the tip of her fingers. Suddenly , Jubilee dumped a huge sack full of flour into her bowl.

"JUBILEE !" chorused a few irritated voices in unison as bits of flour arose and settled all over the counter.

Due to the thick haze of flour , Amara just dumped the entire contents of the blue jar into her bowl and continued on stirring fervently. Siryn was busy poking her butter cookies in the oven with a stick to check if they were ready to be devoured. Amara slowly stuffed her marble cake-to-be into one of the ovens and turned to the counter to get some sprinkles when-

"Aiyee ! Come back here , you vile little piece of scum -!" bawled Jubilee as she surged after a tiny black shrew with a frying pan.

"Jubilee , no !" cried Kitty , horrified as the firecracker upturned the old dining table and caused imminent destruction.

Dozens of eggs cascaded down towards the onyx floor , bags of flour rose in the air and showers of sprinkles peppered all the occupants in the kitchen. Jubilee suddenly hit one of the knobs on the oven as she pursued the squeaking rodent. Just then , Storm , Jean and all the males ( save the professor who was to busy imitating Eminem in his bedroom ) rushed into the kitchen to check out the racket.

"OH. MY. GOD." Swore Storm loudly as she surveyed the mess.

Jubilee froze and so did everyone else. Jean looked wild and Logan's jaw was agape. Suddenly , there was a loud "DING !" and something as black as coal pelted out of the microwave oven and into Logan's mouth.

Logan instantly tried to pull the charred , black alarm clock out of his mouth but to no avail. Remy instantly offered a wrench but Bobby and John had already got on the case. John burnt Logan's hair and Bobby froze his testicles.

Logan let loose a howl ( which sounded a wee bit "beepish" ) and the black thing flew out of his mouth and hit the wall.

"That is going to leave a dent ," said Scott , amused.

Logan tried to retaliate but he found his jaws mysteriously cemented together. Kitty quickly looked at the chocolate sauce bottle ( her project was supposedly in the microwave oven ) and clasped her hand over her mouth as she read the label - "Super Stick Glue - CAUTION ! PERMANENT AND USED IN DIRE EMERGENCIES ONLY" Kitty slowly phased out of the scene.

Amara then took out her own cake and passed it to Piotr.

"Eat it !" she commanded , staring at him heavily.

Piotr gulped as all eyes were cast upon him , even Logan's - all though his hands were tirelessly trying to wrench his jaws apart. Piotr looked reproachful but Amara shot him a deadly look. He took a small bite out of her cake and-

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He ran screaming out of the room. Amara looked at the blue jar. "HOT WHITE PEPPER SEEDS. DO NOT PUT MORE THAN A TEASPOON UNLESS YOU HAVE A DEATHWISH."

"Oops……….." Amara gave a sheepish smile.

Lynn took out her own chocolate cake and faced the horror-struck crowd.

"Anyone want to try mine ?"

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_Ok peeps , you know the drill………Just click on the little purple button and review !_

**Sneak Peek for Chapter 18 : Meet Wolf !**

"**Get that midget !" screamed Logan as he made a lunge for the tiny brown puppy that scurried happily across the floor.**

**Logan misjudged his lunge and landed on a few desks and also on Amara's thighs. Amara screamed and slapped him. Scott laughed as Remy tried to make a grab for the little juvenile delinquent and landed flat on his face.**

"**Enough ! I will not-"**

**Storm's words were cut off as all the students made a mad dash towards the door. Only Lynn remained with Shawn and Warren tailing closely behind her. She picked up the pooch and caressed it like a mother. Logan , Scott and Remy just stared at her.**

"**Merde , it takes us 4 hours to catch dat pup and the belle fille here catches it in 4 seconds !" exclaimed Remy incredulously.**

"**Argh !" screeched Warren as the small puppy sunk its teeth into his buttocks and somehow managed to procure his underwear.**

_Want to know what happens next ? You'll have to read to find out of course ! You can only imagine the horrors of Lynn's new pet……..._


	18. Meet Wolf !

_Thanks for the ton of reviews you guys gave ! I'm sooooooooo happy ! Wet kisses for all of you ! _

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Chapter 18 : Meet Wolf !

The next Tuesday was as somnolent as ever. Storm droned on and on about World War I without realising that half of her class were already asleep and drooling on their desks.

_I bet that if a tsunami would strike here now , Ms. Munroe will still plough on with her uber- boring speech…………………… _Kitty thought miserably as her head began to loll one side.

The only person that seem to be able to resist Storm's soporific voice was Lynn. Then again , it was probably due to the fact that Warren and Shawn were at each other's throats that kept her wide awake.

"Why don't you shut up , Death Angel ," hissed Warren.

"Death Angel ? Still better than looking like an angel but actually being a demon in disguise , eh ?" shot Shawn , his temper rising.

"Oh please……………… If I was born with retarded looking wings like yours-"

"SHUT UP !" Shawn yelled loudly , causing half off the class to jerk in his direction.

"Where's the boom box ?" muttered Piotr sleepily as he lifted his head up.

Everyone looked at him like he grew an extra head that was foaming some fuzzy green pus or something.

"Mr. Shawn , is something wrong ?" asked Storm , looking a tad bit appalled.

"No ," he answered brusquely before glaring maliciously at Warren.

That's when Storm noticed Warren.

"Wait a sec , aren't you 24 ?" Storm asked.

"Um………. Yeah. So ?" Warren replied , confused.

Storm placed her hands on her hips. "Then what in God's name are you doing in my classroom ?"

Warren scratched his head. "I dunno. Darth Vyper wanted to make a scene where I was supposed to tease Raven , so I guess that's why I'm here. The authoress never takes the age factor into account."

Storm just looked blank.

"What he means is that it's a plot hole ," whispered Kitty.

HOI ! I HEARD THAT ONE !

Kitty quickly gulped and feigned sleep. Storm just shook her head and proceeded to her next boring lecture. The rest of the students cursed at the unnecessary interruption before falling back to sleep.

"So , where were we ?" asked Warren.

"You were about to insult me further ," Shawn replied.

"Oh yeah…………." Warren quickly glared at him. " You're just jealous because I look like and angel and Lynn is falling for me and _not you_."

Just as Shawn was about to shove a pencil up Warren's nostril , the classroom door flew open and a tiny lolloping figure came bounding forward with a pissed off Logan , a sweaty Cyclops and a dusty Remy hot on its heels.

"What is-"

"Get that midget !" screamed Logan as he made a lunge for a tiny , brown puppy that scurried happily across the floor.

Logan misjudged his lunge and landed on a few desks and also on Amara's thighs. Amara screamed and slapped him. Cyclops laughed and Remy tried to make a grab for the juvenile delinquent and landed hard flat on his face.

"Enough ! I will not -"

Storm's words were cut off as all the students made a mad rush towards the door. Only Lynn remained behind with Shawn and Warren tailing closely behind her. She picked up the pooch and caressed it like a mother.

Logan , Scott and Remy just stared at her.

"Merde , it takes us 4 hours to catch dat pup but de belle fille here catches it in 4 seconds !" said Remy incredulously.

Suddenly , the little pup squirmed out of Lynn's grasp and ran towards Warren.

"Aargh !" screeched Warren as the small puppy sunk its teeth into his buttock and somehow managed to procure his underwear.

"Help !" yelled Warren as the puppy ran happily in circles with his prize - an underwear with cute little pink ducklings on it.

"You have got to be kidding me ," laughed Shawn.

"You wear a 12 year old kid's underwear ?" asked scoot in disbelief.

Warren turned beet root red and ran out of the door , looking thoroughly abashed.

"I'm keeping the fellow ," announced Lynn as she tugged the underwear free from the pup.

"I'll second that !" said Shawn happily.

Storm smiled.

"You can keep him but you've got to give him a name first ," she said.

"Wolf ," Lynn replied at once , giggling mildly as the puppy licked her nose and gave a small yip. "He reminds me of Logan when he used to slice Cyclops's undies when he got mad."

"You're the one that poked holes in my underwear ?" asked Cyclops , rounding on Logan.

"Yup ," he replied casually as he lit a cigar and strolled out of the room.

"Come back here !" yelled Cyclops as he ran after Logan.

"Guess dey forgot about Remy , non ?" Remy smirked.

"Nope , we didn't ," said Logan as he reappeared in the room with Scoot right behind him.

Remy gulped. "Merde !" He quickly ran out through the window.

"Come back here you Creepy Flirty French mutant !" screamed Cyclops as he raced towards the window with Logan two steps ahead of him.

The rest of them stared at the pair.

"Not a chance Shades ! He's mine !"

The both of them collided and ended up getting stuck in the window frame.

"Anyone saw anything ? I sure as hell didn't ," remarked Lynn as she picked Wolf up and headed towards the door.

"Bye guys !" chortled Storm as Shawn and Warren exited the classroom before her.

"No ! Come back ! Ororo …………..!"

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_I'm done for this chapter. It's your job to review now ! _

**Sneak Peak for the next chapter : Lord of The Rings at the Mansion ?**

**I'm not going to give sneak peak on this chapter since I don't want to spoil the surprise ! Plus , the title speaks for itself , right ? LOTR crossover , so be ready LOTR fans !**


	19. Lord of the Rings at the Mansion ?

_Thanks a lot for all the heartfelt reviews ! I really enjoyed reading what some of you had to say about the fic ! Anyways , crossover chapter up , so read and review !_

**Disclaimer : I don't own X-men ( save Lynn and Shawn ) , Lord of the Rings or any Lightsabers ( those glowing sticks belong to Star Wars )**

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**Chapter 19 : Lord of the Rings at the Mansion ?**

"I honestly think Legolas is way too _hot…_……." said Lynn dreamily as she piled some sausages onto her plate.

"No way ! Aragorn is way much _hotter_ ……….." Rogue contradicted.

"No , it's Legolas !"

"Aragorn !"

"Legolas !"

"Aragorn !"

"Legolas !"

"Aragorn !"

"Lego - !"

Suddenly , the both of them quit bickering as a huge turquoise portal appeared before them. Figures started to stream through the portal and both of them screamed. In fact , everyone in the cafeteria started to scream and run around in circles.

"The aliens have come ! We're all going to die ! It's Armageddon !" screamed a random mutant as he raced past the pair , tripped on a banana peel , fell on a trolley , rolled out of the window and landed with a splat on the pavement outside.

Everyone stopped and winced. Anyway , back to the story. The first figure , a tall , lean man with astonishing blue eyes and long , curly locks just looked at the girls.

"What is this treacherous land we currently thread on ?" he asked sternly.

Lynn squeaked and her wings instantly wrapped itself protectively around her front. The man took a step back and bumped into a short man with a red beard.

"Don't mess with the dwarf Aragorn !" piped the little man.

"Aragorn ?" asked Rogue blankly.

Lynn took a closer look at the new guests. If she hit the correct buttons , she was positive that the man clad in white was Gandalf and next to him was Legolas with four hobbits which she instantly pegged off as Frodo , Sam , Merry and Pippin.

"Young lady , where exactly are we ? Are we still in Middle-Earth ?" Gandalf asked Rogue kindly , who just blushed in turn.

"No , you're in Xavier's School for-" she began.

"Mad people , I tell you ! Mad !" screamed the same random mutant who ran past them before tripping on a nonexistent obstacle , bashing his head on the table , successfully concussing himself and passing out.

Everyone just went : O.O

"Wait a sec , isn't he supposed to be dead ?" asked Rogue , looking at Lynn.

'Plot hole' Lynn mouthed back in return. Rogue shrugged.

Let's just say chaos was inevitable. Professor X just wheeled past them with Storm chasing after him with a pair of shears because he plucked her roses.

"O Stormy is so mad , like the cheese I ate last night just went bad , although me puking whole night was rad- " he sang happily.

"Come back here Charles !" yelled Storm.

Pervert was squawking madly with Wolf yapping his lungs out as he ran after the parrot.

"Fang ! Fang !" cried Shawn as he appeared with Jones and Artie following him.

Kurt suddenly teleported into the cafeteria and called out in a loud voice , " Ze coast iz clear , Zemy !"

Remy obligingly jumped down from the chandelier and landed on Piotr who was apparently running away with Muffin from Jubilee.

"Aiyee ! Give me back that furball !" prompted Jubilee as she gave chase with a mop.

Kitty suddenly phased right through a mortified Legolas with the picture of the Lord's Supper. Shortly after , Logan and Scott appeared , still hopelessly stuck in the widow frame and busy hollering insults at each other. Amara the came into the picture with a tub of blue jelly and Piotr scrambled to his feet to run for his life. He then crashed into Bobby and John who were running away from Jean because they nicked her aspirin. Hank passed by , muttering about the properties of chemicals.

To cut the long story short , it was pandemonium.

"This is you fault One-Eye ! If only -"

"Come on baby , just try a piece -"

"Eep !"

"Scum ! Filth ! Abomination ! Vile mammal-"

"John Dalton is the one who created the modern atomic theory but why -"

"- and Stormy is just so sad !"

"Why you - CHARLES !"

"Come back here with the aspirin or I'll castrate-"

WHIMPER.

THUMP.

SCREAM.

"Fang ! Where are you -?"

"You know , Dan Brown might be right…….. Peter looks like he's going to stab Mary-"

"Ze Asian girl iz on a roll-"

"There you are Cajun !"

"Help , me mon ami !"

"Blue jelly ?"

"No , that can't be right …….. Argon is not a radioactive gas………"

GULP.

SQUEAK.

"Muffin !"

"Crap !"

"Ow , my foot !"

"Charles , you picked my flowers -!"

"Periodic tables all have the -"

SNIP.

CRUNCH.

"Hey , where did you get that granola bar ?"

"Move it Firecracker !"

SNIKT.

"Logan -!"

"Argh !"

"SILENCE !" boomed Gandalf.

Everyone froze and just stared as if they just noticed that the LOTR bunch was there.

"Hey , is that Legolas ?" asked Kitty suddenly , drooling.

Legolas eyes widened.

"I love you…………….." she said dreamily and a few other rabid fan girls joined her , all salivating.

"Eep !" was all that escaped from the poor Elf prince's mouth.

Her tried to draw his weapons but he found his trusty bow and arrow missing. He gulped as the girls advanced.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he ran screaming out of the cafeteria as they pounced and blew some wet slobbery kisses towards him.

"Isn't that Frodo ?" Siryn pointed out and now Frodo yelped as he took Gandalf's staff and tried to jab them with it.

"Shoo ! Get back ! Back off !" he the dropped the staff and ran for his life as one of the fan girls appeared with a lightsaber.

"Come on ickle Frodokins ! Just give me some love -" cooed one of the girls.

Another group pointed at Aragorn and squealed. Aragorn , knowing it was impossible to escape , just ran out of the window and streaked down the lawn , screeching as one of the fan girls latched onto his cape.

Gandalf picked his staff up and looked thoroughly relieved since he didn't attract the attention of any creepy rabid girls.

"Gandalf , I don't think this is Sauron's lair ," said Pippin nervously.

Gandalf sighed and rubbed his temples as everyone unfroze and calamity ruled once again. He looked at the remaining Fellowship members.

"The next time we are going anywhere , remind me not to take any shortcuts."

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_That's all for this chapter ! More mayhem to come , so keep on your toes peeps !_

_P.S. Sorry if some of the LOTR characters are a bit OOC._

**Sneak Peek for Chapter 20 : Football !**

**Gandalf sighed and banged his staff against his forehead a several times.**

"**Okay Darth Vyper , what is it with me and banging my head constantly against my staff ? I don't do that in the books and movies you know !" Gandalf suddenly burst out angrily.**

**The rest of the LOTR group backed away and looked alarmed.**

"**I don't think it is wise to pick a row with the authoress-" began Merry.**

"**Oh just shut it ! I think I'm being treated very unjustly -" interjected Gandalf.**

**Suddenly , Gandalf found himself in a skimpy lace pink thong.**

"**What in Merlin's beard -" Gandalf stops and looks down before casting a single look of pure venom at the authoress. " Why you insolent little-"**

_That's all the sneak peek for the next chapter you're going to get ! So stay tuned !_


	20. Football !

_Thanks for those who reviewed ! I know the number of my reviews have dwindled , but I'm going to continue nonetheless. Next chapter up , read and review !_

**Disclaimer : I don't own X-men and LOTR ( except for Legolas - in my dreams ) but I own Shawn and Lynn.**

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**Chapter 20 : Football !**

The LOTR group was huddled in a broom closet since the sane X-men couldn't figure a way to get them back and also to protect themselves from rabid infested fan girls.

"Gandalf , where do we go from here onwards ?" asked Frodo tiredly , sitting next to a whimpering Legolas and a traumatized Aragorn.

BANG !

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Gimli squeaked as he clung on to Merry.

"I am not so sure ," answered Gandalf brusquely , trying his level best to perform a healing mental spell over the fellowship , more specifically Aragorn who has been sniffing some turpentine and counting imaginary lembas bread on the wall.

BOOM !

SHRIEK !

BURP !

Gandalf sighed and banged his staff against his forehead several times.

"Okay Darth Vyper , what is it with me and banging my head constantly with my staff ? I don't do that in books and movies you know !" he suddenly burst out angrily.

The rest of the LOTR group looked alarmed.

"I don't think it's wise to pick a row with the authoress-" began Merry.

"Oh just shut it ! I think I'm being treated very unjustly -" interjected Gandalf.

Suddenly , Gandalf found himself in a skimpy pink lace thong.

"What in Merlin's beard -" He stops and looks down before casting a single look of pure venom at the authoress. "Why you insolent little -"

Then , the scene changes. The fellowship find themselves in a football field with an equally confused bunch of X-men. Both groups stare at each other but most of them stare at Gandalf's scrawny figure and hairy chest.

"What are you looking at !" thundered Gandalf , his eyes crackling with electric blue energy.

With a casual wave of his staff , he manages to procure a suitable attire for himself.

"Look ! FOOTBALL !" yelled Jones happily , successfully diverting everyone's attention towards the checked ball gleaming amongst the blades of grass.

"FOOTBALL !" screamed all the X-men ( the guys in particular ) as the rushed after the spherical object.

The LOTR group however had another perspective about the round object.

"Spy of Sauron ! Frodo declared , unsheathing Sting.

Legolas fired one of his elven-made arrows and it went straight through the ball , where it finally got stuck right in the middle.

"At least that's not a handball ," Piotr remarked as the rest of the X-men looked stunned.

"Get that ball !" screeched Artie.

"Charge !" screamed Aragorn from the other side of the pitch.

The game persisted for another two hours until Gimli successfully mutilated the ball with his axe. By the time everyone made it to the mansion , all of them just desired a hot bubble bath and a bit of aromatherapy. Since all the bathrooms were booked , Gandalf and his group were now waiting in the lounge.

"Groovy game ," squealed Pippin.

The rest of the group shot him a funny look. Then , Jubilee burst in and scoured the lounge.

"Hey , it's Gandalf the Muddy !" she chortled happily as she surveyed Gandalf's soiled cloak.

"Muddy icky Gandalf ! Dirty slimy - !"

Gandalf waved his staff and finally conjured a mouse.

"Aiyee !" screeched Jubilee as she ran after the rodent , her malicious eyes bulging out of her sockets.

All of them threw Gandalf a dirty look.

"What ?" he asked casually before putting on a facial mask he stole from Logan's secret closet.

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_Okay , I'm done with this one. My apologies if it is a bit too short. I was planning to make Gandalf meet up with Magneto , but since the whole thing is scripted , I'll continue with the original story. Thanks to the person who gave me the idea though ( The42 ) , I'm sorry if I can't remember your full pen name. Reviews please ! _

**I'm sorry but there is nothing much in the next chapter for me to give a preview of. You'll have to be patient to find out what's it about anyway.**


	21. Author's note

I am sticking this notice up for all my stories and sorry if you guys were expecting an update. I just want to say I might stop writing for some time and I might "drop" some stories , so if you want me to still update this particular story , please leave a review. If I get at least 5 reviews , then I'll continue , if not I'll stop writing this story completely. The reason I'm stopping is because :

I'm now one of the top students in my university and I have to study constantly because a lot of lecturers are expecting excellent results from me , so life is stressful and I won't have time to update.

b) I am also working on writing a book and the style I'm using in my story is

not like the styles I apply in my fics. So , I'm busy picking the perfect

settings , names , etc. etc. I might get it published next year , so I'm

trying to balance my writing time and studies.

c) I have officially lost interest in writing at fanfic because there are a lot of

insensitive people on the net who just can't give a shit about others.

I'll still be here from time to time , passing on comments and reading other people's stories but I might be inactive in other terms.

**REMEMBER ! IF YOU WANT ME TO CONTINUE THIS FIC , PLEASE SEND IN AT LEAST FIVE REVIEWS AND I'LL TRY TO UPDATE WHEN I HAVE TIME ! **

**THANKS A LOT FOR ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE SUPPORTED MY STORIES ! **


	22. Baddies Gala

_Thanks for those who want to see this chapter up , therefore I specially dedicate this **entire fic** to my faithful reviewers :………………(1) so read and enjoy !_

_P.S. I'm going to throw in the baddies in this chapter and I know that Emma Frost is telepathic but I'm going to give her ice powers in this one. I'll add in some more characters of my own making as well. If you have any problem with the characters , I hate to burst your bubble but this is fanfic , so each writer is free to write whatever crap they want , so too bad !_

_P.P.S. Sorry for the long wait , my finals for my 1st semester was up , so I had to study or my lecturers will scoop my eyeballs out with a rusty spoon._

**Disclaimer : I don't own the lot except for Shawn , Lynn and Tar. Hehe.**

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**Chapter 21 : Baddies Gala.**

In a spooky castle situated somewhere in Russia………………………

"Sinister !" came a cold , heartless voice which was emanating fury.

A small bespectacled man strode forward , fear evident in his eyes.

"What is it my master ?" Sinister squeaked , trembling from head to toe.

"You failed to bring me my guardians , Sinister. And I'm _not_ happy ," came the same icy tone.

"I'm so sorry my master. It's just-"

The cold voice sliced through his babbles like a sharpened machete.

"Bring them to me , Sinister ! I want all four of them by tomorrow or else………….."

Sinister's face blanched. He quickly mopped the stray beads of sweat cascading down his cheeks with a handkerchief.

"Yes ……….m-my m-master ," he choked out before turning around to exit the room.

"Sinister ?"

Sinister swivelled sharply and met his master.

"Yes , my master ?"

There was an awkward pause.

"Is that a girl's hankie ?"

Sinister paled and bit his lip before letting out a cheeky smile.

"Um…….. yes , it was my mum's actually."

Sinister instantly bolted down the corridor as his master's face turned green. The Evil-Dark-Bad-Ugly-Meanie-Dunghead-Evil Cackling-Wart Infested-insert-other-classic-bad-guy-traits-here-Lord sighed and looked up to the cheap ceiling of his lair.

"Why on Earth do my minions always have to be pussies ?"

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Sinister ran all the way to the lounge to find his team , who was too busy playing strip poker to care.

"Stop striping you buffoons ! And for God sakes , get a decent patch up work on your underwear Morph ! It's bad enough I've to see that birthmark on your ass from all the way here !" he barked.

Instantly all of them scrambled to get dressed.

"What does _he _ want now ?" a raven haired woman called Betsy a.k.a Psychlocke drawled.

"His guardians. By tomorrow."

Outraged cries followed by a loud yell , a crash , a squeak and a whimper ensued.

"What ?"

"Is he insane ?"

"Watch it Tar !"

"Ahhhhhh !!!"

"Jesus Christ ! You squished Morph's Mr. Incredible !"

"I think I know that , thank you very much !"

"Help ! My ass has become two dimensional !"

"Oh my God …………………"

"Did you even have an ass to begin with ?"

SNORT.

"Hey ! I did -!"

"ENOUGH !" Sinister barked.

"Dang boss , you need to cool it -" Tar stopped as he spotted Sinister's look.

He gulped and sat next to Betsy and a groaning Morph.

"I guess I'll shut up now."

"Good ," Sinister muttered as he rubbed his temples. "I already have a migraine thanks to your constant bickering."

"Do you want Tylenol ? I have a whole bottle full ," exclaimed Tar jubilantly as he suddenly procured a bottle out of nowhere.

Sinister grabbed the whole bottle and downed it's contents in one gulp.

"Good, I feel better already." Sinister smiled at Tar. " Thanks."

Tar just looked mortified at the empty bottle. "Yeah , sure bossman. Whatever you say………………."

Sinister looked at all three of them again.

"As I was saying , he wants his guardians by tomorrow. No excuse whatsoever ," he paused before continuing , " I suggest you take Lorna with you Betsy -," he gestured towards the raven head , "- and perhaps you should get Emma and Vertigo to tag along since it might not be easy to get these mutants to comply under their own free will."

Morph began to utter under his breath. Betsy could only catch snippets of his muttering - 'ludicrous ………… insane idea……………hit too hard on the head by a hammer…………..God forbids , maybe his mom tossed him off the World Trade Centre when he was a kid and he suffered brain damage…………..'

Then , there was a loud crashing sound. Everyone moaned as a feminine figure with a paint can stuck to its left leg strode forwards.

"Can I come too ?" asked the young girl , who was trying to wrench the paint can off her leg.

"NO !" came a multitude of shouts.

"Please -" begged the girl , "- I swear I won't trip over anything !"

Morph snorted and Tar huffed , " since when has Gemini been anything more than the 'Queen of Butterfingers' ?"

"Hell no way ," Betsy replied curtly.

Gemini looked a tad furious. In the fit of anger , she managed to get the paint can off and hurl it towards Betsy - but since her aim was remarkably poor , she hit Morph by mistake. Morph crumpled instantly and Sinister slapped his forehead.

"He's out. Now can I come ?"

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_I hope it wasn't too crappy for your tastes. Anyways…………_

**REVIEW !!!**


	23. Question MarksLoads of 'em

_Wow, I haven't updated this baby for a long, long time……… But I have a good reason(s) for my bad, backstabbing, 'I-promise-to-update-earlier' behavior :_

_a) I've officially finished my first book - it has been sent in for proof reading and is due to be published someday. Hence my lengthy absence because let me tell you something : Writing a 150 000 word book plus editing plus staying cooped up at home twenty four-seven isn't quite a good combination. It apparently leads to paranoia, googly-eyed syndrome when one sits in front of the computer and a strange coveting for fusty cheese._

_b) I just encountered the worst month of my life ( the accursed June to be exact ), whereby I had to engage in a verbal tussle with my parents regarding my future and me staying at home and writing my book. Some of you already know this, whilst others might still be in the dark of my anarchic personal life; but I just want to say that it reached an almost suicidal point. But I'm still alive. So I guess that's good. I think._

_c) I'm nursing an injured middle finger in my right hand. Not good, but I'm living through typing with nine other incompetent fingers. To my dearly beloved middle finger; may you get well soon and kick some alphabet ass on the keyboard by next Monday. _

_d) I'm currently attending driving lessons. I may not be free sometimes, but I'm stuck at home most of the time, so I'll use whatever spare minutes I have left in my schedule to update all my fics and possibly finish them by the end of this year._

_So sorry for the inconveniences guys – I really missed you all as well. So here's a special treat : I'm updating ALL my beauties. Read and drink up the ones which match your brand of tea, and please kindly leave a gentle/constructive review afterwards. Flames will be used to roast my neighbor's dead rats by the way, before the aforementioned carcasses will be flung back into her porch. She's a nasty old hag, so sue me._

_Oh, and I realize my writing was incredibly amateurish ( looking back and shuddering at all stories ), so my apologies for that. I won't give it my all, but I'll try to do as much as I can to make my stories better._

_So read and enjoy !_

**Disclaimer : I don't own anything except for the characters of my own making.**

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**Chapter 22 : Question Marks…Loads of 'em.**

A couple of thousand miles away, a blonde haired teenager with incredibly bright eyes woke up with a start, his groping right hand mopping away the thin sheen of sweat coating his forehead. His chest heaved and rose in irregular rhythms as he drew in ragged gasps. He had just encountered one the most bizarre dreams in the history of mankind - fragments of his peripheral vision still filtering through his spiraling, anarchic musings.

Something to do with a man stumbling over his words as his master barked some orders - _Something to do with us,_ Shawn concluded.

His mind was still awhirl and he couldn't exactly pin down the source of his sudden premonition, or the sudden fear that had began to ravage his insides. Absentmindedly surveying the darkened interior of the room he unluckily had to share with two other abominable mutants, he gave a revolted sigh when he spotted Bobby drool all over his pillowcase, his speech slurred and coupled with salivary bubbles as he muttered 'Princess Sofia' over and over and over again. John fared no better - the supposedly dangerous pyrokinetic himself clutching his lighter and sucking his thumb like a four month old infant.

"Eew." One of Bobby's drool bubbles popped. Can you say _disgusting_ ?

Eventually deciding that sleep wouldn't come by anytime soon ( the creepy vision and John's bulldozerish snoring made it virtually impossible at this point ), Shawn slipped out of bed and decided to do a little bit of night-walking. Or rule-breaking. Oh, I don't know. Just pick one.

He was a hundred percent sure that no one would be awake ( save Logan who might possibly be still trying to lynch an oblivious Scott in his sleep ), so he was quite surprised when the first person he collided into was none other than Lynn herself.

"Shawn ! Oh, thank God !" she squealed, her hair sticking up in all directions.

He frowned. "What's wrong ?"

Her wary eyes darted all over the place as she began to explain in a frantic tone.

"I had a really _weird_ feeling just now. I know I'm not a psychic, but I thought I had this creepy dream about some stupid lackey and I think someone is going to attack the mansion-"

"Wait a sec – You too ?" he interjected, his furrowed eyebrows now arching in surprise.

"Yes, I was just going to see the professor-"

Whatever the flustered, winged girl was about to say was made unknown as a large crash, followed by the sound of breaking glass cracked the still air. In a flash, the klaxon wail of the tripped alarm system boomed across the night.

"What's going on ?"

"Where's the explosion ?"

"Did Rogue blow up the toaster again ?"

"Who's cooking ?"

"Hmm……I love cheese wheels……So gooey…….."

Ignoring the irrational, groggy voices that resounded from seemingly within the walls itself, Shawn instinctively yanked Lynn forwards as he tried to run away from the initial crashing sound.

"This way !" he instructed, only to find himself keeling backwards as she dragged him back.

"No - someone's coming ! This way !" she yelled, almost bursting into hysterics.

Just as the pair swiveled, a dark trail of sludge blocked their way, slowly assembling into a humanoid shape that revealed itself as a middle aged man with piercing green eyes and messy russet hair. Turning back again to run the other way once more, another woman with frost colored eyes and albino skin now intercepted their only path to freedom.

"Lookie, lookie…..What do we have here ?" the woman taunted, her lips twisted into a horrible smile.

"We're not going to give up without a fight ," Lynn declared, earning a slightly questioning gaze from Shawn.

_One moment she's afraid, and the next she's ready to shove pogo sticks up someone's anus. Good lord. What do they teach highly hormonal girls nowadays ?_ he wondered, feeling slightly confused by her sudden switch in emotions.

"Oh, trust me, you won't even have to move a muscle-" the woman sneered, only to be drowned out by another high pitched voice.

"Hands up !" yelled the new arrival - a skinny girl armed with a tranquilizer gun. Her female superior cursed and slapped her forehead.

"Gemini ! I thought I told you to wait in the goddamn copter ! Don't pull the-!" the sludge-man had began to holler at her, only to swear colorfully when the girl pulled the trigger.

There was a loud tumbling noise as the woman crumpled to the ground, her shocked eyes fluttering shut as she spied the purple dart on her nose. And yes, it was ON her freaking nose.

Mr. Green Eyes began to moan as the stunned couple stared at the hideous, feathery thingy on the poor woman's face.

"Gemini-!"

"Sorry, Tar ! I thought Frost was out of shooting range ! I swear I was aiming for her neck - I mean their necks-" She gestured frantically towards Shawn and Lynn "-so I just pulled the tiny black-"

Before she could plough on further, our duo finally gained enough sense to make a break for it - leaping over Frost's immobile body as they raced into an adjoining hall and passed a jubilant Kurt, who was busy harassing one of the intruders to be sanctified by purchasing his crosses. Somewhere along the way of running ( this included hurtling over two enormous rolls of duct tape, three packets of funky straws, one diseased tortoise, and two studded condoms that were mistakenly blown up into flesh colored balloons ), they managed to flit pass Storm, who was busy chasing after a cackling professor with a pot of red tulips that were being held hostage on his lap.

Finally scampering outside, both of them paused warily and heaved deep sighs of relief as they thought they were out of pandemonium range. The operative word here being _thought_.

"Going somewhere ?"

Lynn gasped as she spun around and came face to face with a grinning, raven haired woman. Before she could react, a physic knife hit her squarely in the chest, causing her to topple over and fall limply into Shawn's arms.

"What have you done to her ?" he shouted, his eyes flaring with anger.

"The same thing I'm about to do to you ," she replied coolly, repeating the same gesture.

He ducked swiftly and placed Lynn on the ground, before taking to the air in a flash, his wings beating furiously as he shot upwards. But before he could dive and grab Lynn again, thick metal cords clamped around his wings and torso, causing him to spiral back down and land on the muddy ground below. Thinking that it was most probably Magneto ( or one of Scott's failed, highly-magnetic, winged-student-trapping devices ), he was about to wiggle out of his metal bonds, only to pause in surprise when a green haired girl strode towards him, an unconscious Warren floating on a suspended metal stretcher behind her. Another man trailed after her, mumbling incoherently under his breath.

"This place is insane ! There was actually some creepy Asian kid running around after a hamster with a vase !" Morph exclaimed as soon as he spotted Betsy. "What are they feeding the kids here ? Caffeine coated Prozacs ?"

Shawn snorted. And the poor guy didn't even meet the rest of the crew yet. He'll probably think it's heroine-crystal med-caffeine-glue-sugary-stuff coated Prozacs that they were taking.

"We have the three - shall we call it a night ?" Polaris asked, yawning as she watched an enraged Shawn wriggle in his binds.

Betsy was about to answer, when Shawn spoke up first.

"What do you want with us ?"

"You'll find that later, shmexy wings ," Morph replied, winking. Shawn huffed, growling and cussing lowly.

"Let's go ," Betsy suggested, exchanging nods with Polaris as Morph started to pick Lynn up, his lips pursed into a thin smile as he watched her petite body with fascination. Shawn scowled.

"Get you filthy paws off her-!"

"Knock him out, Betsy ," Tar ordered, appearing out of the gloom as he shouldered an unconscious Frost and dragged along a sulky Gemini.

Betsy complied and Shawn collapsed instantly, only to be levitated by Polaris. The whole baddie team traipsed across the sodden grounds and towards their obnoxious, neon orange helicopter, their grim smiles making them appear so sullen…….so sad………so forlorn…….so……crap, I just ran out of adjectives…….

Anyways, as they were about to take off, Morph couldn't help but sidle next to Tar.

"Why didn't you dump Gemini behind ?"

"I shut her in the store room, but Polaris caught me at it."

Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx- Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx-Xx

Post a review and let me know what you think, peeps !

P.S. Do you guys want me to include the usual sneak peeks ? If yes, please say so, and I'll do it next time.

Cheers !

**REVIEW !**


	24. DV's Note

**D.V.'s Note.**

Hi people!

I know it's been a long time since I've updated anything on this site, but I have a perfectly reasonable explanation. And yes, I can already picture some of you rolling your eyes or muttering under your breath, "That's what she always says, that stupid procrastinator. Excuse after excuse. Yeah, right!"

Well, put away the pitchforks and spare at least a minute to hear me out.

I'm currently studying my second year of Medical Bioscience in Australia, and the academic attention is certainly taking up tons of time. But here's the best bit:-

I'm getting my book published. An agency from Canada/US was willing to represent me and the editor wanted to have a peek at my manuscript and negotiate a full contract (to which I asked her to buy me some time because I'm rewriting huge portions of my story and balancing a full time Medical degree; no easy task, let me tell you). She hasn't replied yet, but I'm hoping and praying things will work out.

I want to personally thank some of the coolest people I've met on that has either helped me through this (one of you guys even turned out to be the best penpal and editor ever! And yes, that's you, B! THANKS!) or inspired me to continue, or even just wanted to have a chat with me:-

-musical-gerbil- (Love you darling! Thanks a ton for everything! )

-AnyatheRhymer- (It's nice to bump into another Malaysian who can write very well! Thanks for all the chat sessions! ;) )

-Alicia- (Sorry hon, forgot your pen name –sheepish smile- Thanks for being one of the first people on the site to talk to me!)

-GunnerGirl- (My first reviewer! How could I ever thank you? –kisses feet-)

-CocoLime- (Probably one of my most favorite reviewers. She always makes my ego swell with her sweet comments)

-Naomi- (Most possibly we'll never see each other online again due to schedule clashes, but if you were to ever read this, thank you for being so kind to me)

-Kimmeth and Halt at X- (you two have been loyally supporting my DS fics, I can never thank you enough for this! )

-Twisted Ingenue- (Previously KurdasGirl, if I'm not mistaken – Thanks for your awesome reviews and support!)

And there are plenty more that I can thank – if only I could meet each and every one of personally, I'd hug you all and give you a gigantic box of chocolates. Thanks everyone for all your support, constructive criticisms, reviews, and lovely PMs.

I was planning to scrap off some ficlets, but after looking back at the crappy stories and awesome people that made my life more colorful than it was meant to be, I had no heart to. Every word I wrote on this site just proved to me how much I've moved up the scale of amateurism to professionalism, so I'm going to let them stay the way they are (with some edited and upgraded portions in due time) for memory's sake. So I will **CONTINUE** writing, just probably at infrequent and random moments. I don't plan on giving up – I'm no longer a quitter like I once used to be. So hang in there, and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to PM me.

**THANKS EVERYONE!**

P.S. If you have any queries about my book, I'm afraid I won't be able to divulge much, including the title and storyline for fear of plagiarists and a future legal lawsuit (on my end, should anyone get bright ideas to rip off my hard work). But I can tell you this : it's under the paranormal romance category and fishes a completely new uptake on how we see our current world. ;)

P.P.S. Word of advice : Don't give up on your dreams. I failed 40 times and I quit. But two years later and God's answer comes knocking on my door. So have a little faith in what you're doing and Him. Things always never work out with a 'yes', but with the 'best'. So be patient and **DON'T** give up! 

~Jo


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